Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [OCTOBER 2019]

tenpera businessTenpera – Business
You don’t need to have a lot of words in your songs to make an impact. Not on my simple-minded self anyway. What this lacks in diction, it makes up for in unconstrained attitude fool. Wow, sorry, it’s just got me in that kind of mood you know. This album is a mood in itself and I’m not just saying that to sound cool. Ok fine, I am. [the rest of this write up has been redacted because it was too stupid]   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

lacing withoutLacing – Without
You know how you’re glad something’s back, even though it never really went away? That’s how I feel about shoegaze and seriously, don’t DM me on this, but it’s better than ever. I admittedly missed out on the first wave though. I was too busy with important things like collecting hockey cards and wearing Ghostbusters sweat pants. Which wave of shoegaze are we on now anyway? I want to say third wave? But then what was the second wave? I wouldn’t know cuz I was too busy learning how to kickflip and wearing Ghostbusters sweat pants (which were a little tight by then let me tell you). Obviously I don’t know wtf I’m talking about with respect to this particular genre. I’m working on that, but I do know what I like: my Ghostbusters sweat pants, and also this band Lacing. Their new album will lull you into a warm foggy hypnosis only to shock you awake by dumping a bucket of ice cold static on your head. Terrifying yet refreshing. Just like Ghostbusters sweat pants.   Listen on Bandcamp

dogs tale boiling pointDog’s Tale – Boiling Point
This is the one I keep coming back to. You can always tell when someone has a natural knack for something. For me, as you can see, it’s exquisite literature of the highest caliber, bordering on the likes of Tolstoy, or dare I say Nabokov. For the young lass in Dog’s Tale, the knack is for songwriting. Are we ok to use the word ‘lass’ nowadays? What if I’m not Irish? I’m assuming it’s ok in Ireland or Scotland. They’re allowed to say ‘cunt’ too. Or is that Australia? Probably both. Imagine living somewhere you can just throw around the word ‘cunt’ without offending anyone. The world is not all bad afterall. Anyway this feels like the early stages of an incredible band. I can hear them sussing things out a bit still, but the guts and the talent are palpable. Here’s hoping there’s more to come. Keep them on your radar.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

raze on high in green tomorrowsRaze – On High In Green Tomorrows
This is some sicc Toronto hardcore, but as a citizen of Western Canada I am bound by law, and cannot move forward with this write up until I make clear to all readers that Toronto does indeed suck and so does their hockey team. Having said that, I am now required by the province of British Columbia to denounce all association with our neighboring province of Alberta. Though we have a shared hatred of all things Toronto, us as British Columbians are not cowboys, or oilers and the Flames suck. Ok, now we can move on. Yeeee hawww! Giddyup! This album jumps!   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

jumpstarted plowhards round oneJumpstarted Plowhards – Round One
At first I was all “Meh I don’t know if I’m super feelin’ this whole album”. Then I had a complex inner-battle about whether I should put it in the top 5 anyway, just because it has the guy from The Underground Railroad To Candyland (a band I really like). In the end I decided I would just force myself to like the whole album, and a funny thing happened. When I listened to it the second time, suddenly it was way more awesome than the first time, and if I remember correctly, I had the same experience with Underground Railroad. It’s hard to remember anything correctly though, if I’m being honest. Ever since the procedure.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: So October was cool. I turned 37 but I thought I was turning 36. That’s like thinking it’s Friday when it’s only Thursday but a lot worse. I’m going on vacation from November 6th to 22nd which means there won’t be a DOESN’T ENGLISH for November and there won’t be any activity on twitter. To the three people who are mildly disappointed by this news, I apologize but not really. Thank you friends, for reading this month. I hope you find something you like. I mean, if you don’t like at least one of these releases then I have to say, you’re not very good at listening to music and you might need more practise. Please keep supporting underground bands and telling all your friends this is your favourite new music resource. Oh and don’t forget to follow me on twitter and check out the SCRAP HEAP for a ton more great releases from October. Yeah bye.

Doesn’t English (#029) – Mizuki Amapola

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Córdoba Argentina has a place called Isla De Los Patos, which translates to Island of the Ducks! Now if that’s not reason enough to go there (and it is btw) then there’s also a lot of sick bands, including Mizuki Amapola. Their EP is called Pájaros Azules, which means Blue Birds (hmm). In these songs you will find a wicked scream and a gentle whisper. Normally that would be enough to win me over but it doesn’t stop there. It’s also extra rad as well as dope. If somebody offered me a bedroom punk record, this is exactly what I’d be hoping to hear. Super catchy, melodic and indie-twinged. It makes me want to show off my dance move. Yes, it’s just the one move, but it’s really something guys. In a word I would call it both stunning and inspirational and elevating and confusing. Which is odd because most things I do are not confusing at all. 

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [SEPTEMBER 2019]

cassels the perfect endingCassels – The Perfect Ending
Be warned, there is some HEAVY subject matter here. If you really want to take a minute to reflect deeply on some of the more fucked up aspects of society, in a very gut-punchy kind of way, well this is your band. Wash it down with a stiff drink cuz it can be hard to digest, but holy frick is it good. I wouldn’t want to have it every day, but when you’re in the mood for something potent and severe, this is gonna hit the spot. It’s like the thinking mans alt punk with all the angles, all the maths and all the attitude. It’s quite unlike anything you’ve heard before. The talent level out of these two lads is nothing short of astonishing. I’m trying to think of something funny to say and I can’t. This album got me in a really serious mood. I’m feeling dumb as fuck too cuz I’m pretty sure these kids are half my age and twice as intelligent.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

red room call caa nowRed Room – Call CAA Now
For those of you who aren’t Canadian, CAA is the Canadian version of AAA, which stands for Against All Authority. CAA stands for Commence All Authority. They were not the most popular punk band. The whole thing was a little unfortunate actually, but we all learned a valuable lesson. Why does a sick-ass band like Red Room want you to call CAA though? That’s the part I don’t understand. How do you even call a band that doesn’t exist anymore? Last I heard, the members of CAA were all in hiding. Anyway, I guess Red Room is no longer a band either. This is supposed to be their final release? That sucks cuz this is some grouchy-ass hardcore done to perfection.   Listen on Bandcamp

killcult self titledKillcult – Self Titled
I first read this as KillCUT which would have been a marginally more rad name, but Killcult gets the job done. Either way you’re going to get killed. This is murderous music. Homicidal if you will. It hearkens back to a deadlier time in punk. The violent sensibilities of early hardcore blended lovingly with the attitude of first wave snarl. You know what, I am really coming into my own as a writer, don’t you think? Anyway, look at this gnarly album art. It’s a goddamn spider on a skull. That’s a nasty looking spider too. A throwback to a time when skulls and spiders were edgy, and tattoos were cool. Oh you don’t think tattoos were cool in the 80’s? Well I have three words for you: Aaron Neville’s face.   Listen on Bandcamp

sneeze finSneeze – Fin
Let me tell you, there are some real ear-worms on this album. Especially track one. I’ve had the hook stuck in my head for weeks now: “DYYINNNG CHILLLLDRENN”. Needless to say, I’ve been getting some funny looks from my co-workers. I work at an orphanage by the way, so the orphans were getting a bit weirded out too, at first, but now I’ve got them all singing along Oliver-Twist-food-glorious-food style. It’s really quite something. Yo, this band is called Sneeze, lol. You’ve got to respect the name choice. I’m so curious about how they settled on that though. Were they sitting around like “What are we gonna call this band?” and then one guy sneezed and they were like “YES! THAT’S IT!” Look, the name is actually pretty good, but that’s beside the point: the music here is of the unsucky nature.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Humelly ДежевыйHumelly – Дежевый
Привет товарищи. Я пьян на русской водке и слушаю Humelly. Я больше не представляю страну Канады, премьер-министр которой – шут. Я больше не фанат Сидни Кросби. Теперь я команда Ovi. Этот блог будет переходить на весь русский диалог в ближайшем будущем. Извините, что сообщаю вам эту новость, но группы в России слишком сильны. Музыка такая холодная и такая серая. Это не может быть побеждено. Я осуждаю любую принадлежность к западному миру, я переезжаю в Якутск и создаю группу под названием «Путин Шмутин». Это будет популярная поп-группа. Вы можете думать, что вы хотите. Это больше не влияет на меня. Сейчас я должен идти. Зима приближается.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: Oh isn’t it nice, the weather is changing! Yeah, from really good to really shitty. Oh all of the leaves are turning beautiful colours! Yeah, because they’re dying and soon going to fall off and blanket the neighborhood in a soggy layer of decaying biomass. Yay now we can wear our fall outfits! Ok I’ll give you that. At least it’s leather jacket season. I heard a song recently called “Leather Jacket Season” but I can’t, for the life of me, remember who it was by. It’s probably in the SCRAP HEAP somewhere, so be sure to poke around in there a bit. Wear gloves though, and poke from a distance with a stick. Thank you for reading another Top 5, and I’ll thank you in advance for continuing to support underground music. Please tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource and the best place to find weird bands. Follow me on Twitter (@SteveDoesnt) so you can join in all the fun music conversations I have with my followers. Also, please don’t pretend you’re happy it’s fall. Can we all just be honest this year? Fall sucks! Bye.

Doesn’t English (#028) – Small Thing

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This might actually be in English but I can’t understand a word of it, so it’ll do. You know, Genoa Italy must be a pretty special place to have it’s own salami named after it. That stuff is delicious too. Good thing salami wasn’t invented in Eugene Oregon or something. I do not want to eat Eugene’s salami. Ah who am I kidding? I would totally eat Eugene’s salami. I would eat anyone’s salami. If you’re sellin’ salami, I’m buyin’. I bet in Genoa people are like, “Yo the salami is not a big deal. We have better things than salami”. Like what Genoa? Oh, sick-as-all-fuck punk bands? Okeedokee. Can I have some salami with that? How many times can I say salami in one post? Salami times, that’s how salami.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [AUGUST 2019]

brat curseBrat Curse – Self-titled  [Buy it on Amazon!]
Track One: Sweat Pants Lawyer. Boom! I’m sold. How can this not be awesome? Then you hit play and whabamoh! You’re getting rocked and also rolled like never before. Ok well that’s not true. I shouldn’t have said never before. I mean it’s good but it’s not like never before. Or maybe it is. Feck I don’t know. Maybe you’re a very young child and this is your first time getting rocked and rolled. Look, it’s none of my business anyway.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ceilings time slipsCeilings – Time Slips  [Buy it on Amazon!]
This just in: Winnipeg sucks. Just kidding, I’ve never been. I hear it sucks though, which is probably why a lot of great bands come from there. Well, at least one great band has come from there. Two now. And one Burton Cummings, who, lets face it, has the most beautiful voice this side of heaven. I’m not even being sarcastic this time. The man has the voice of a saint and the mustache of a god. You know what, fuck this band, I’m gonna go listen to some Burton.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ultrasurf ideas vaciasUltrasurf – Ideas Vacías
Holy hell, watch your step, the rhythm is relentless over here. You can’t stand still to this unless you’re dead, and if you’re dead, what business do you have standing on your feet anyway? Lay the fuck down you creepy corpse, so we can roll you into a corner and deal with you later. Man, this is some energetic surfy post punk en espanol. It reminds me a bit of a Swedish band called Terrible Feelings only more agitated. Is Spain more agitated than Sweden? It probably is. I mean I would assume so. What the hell does Sweden have to be agitated about? Peace and serenity? Feck off. Hey, what the hell am I even talking about guys?   Listen on Bandcamp

the sunlight machine careers dayThe Sunlight Machine – Careers Day  [Buy it on Amazon!]
Somehow this young lad is channeling the vocal chops of Frankie Stubbs and absolutely doing it justice. You hear the resemblance right? I think he might be possessed by Frankie’s ghost, which is strange because Frankie’s still alive. Ok I’ve got it: This is Frankie Stubbs’s son. Haha this guy’s gonna read this like “who the feck is Frankie Stubbs?”. You should be ashamed of yourself for not knowing who Frankie Stubbs is. At the moment this post is not yet the top google search result for “Frankie Stubbs” but now it is.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

lindenwood die with meLindenwood – Die With Me  [Buy it on Amazon!]
No time to get your ass rocked off? I know how it is. Life is demanding and we’re all just doing our best to meet those never ending deadlines. The good news is, you can now get your ass rocked off in four easy songs. That’s right, if you have fifteen minutes, you have time for a whooping thanks to Lindenwood, the Filipino band named after a tree that does not grow in the Philippines. I’m 100% assuming that by the way. I’m not a goddamn arborist, but I’m pretty sure that is a tree and it doesn’t grow in the Philippines. If you know that to be false, please keep it to yourself. Why can’t you just let me have this?   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: If this months write-ups are making even less sense than usual (is that even possibe?) it’s because I’m sick and maybe a bit high on Buckleys. I’m not feeling this at all right now so let’s just skip to the part where I tell you to check out the SCRAP HEAP for a whole lot more new releases from this month, and keep fighting the good fight, keep listening to weird music, and supporting weird bands and tell your friends this is your favourite new music resource and so on and what have you. Bye.

BACKTALK ~ Letters to the Editor

From: Sai, (somewhere in Canada)

steve? this is the new york times®. we’re begging you to join our team.

kidding, it’s just me. i’m sure that email will come soon.

huge fan of your site/twitter, man. look forward to reading your newsletters and seeing those inferior opinions in your replies whenever i’m online. as a fellow canadian, you’re someone i’m proud of. bandcamp should offer you a partnership deal or something before i send them a strongly worded email.

anyway, i’m just sending this because i’ve always wanted to get in touch with you and let you know you’re appreciated. music being a unifier or something like that. huge congratulations on the news of your marriage, dude! you’re making me feel hella young. i’m seriously very thrilled for you, and i hope all goes well and that it lasts long.

i figure i should try to plug something here, lest this be boring fanmail where i’m just being nice. so: if you haven’t listened to the god derek ted‘s album “better spirit” yet, GET ON THAT SHIT!!! my man just signed to pure noise records, furthering the folk agenda and bringing prosperity back to valencia street. “slow down” by him (not on the album) is unbelievable. there may not be a more platinum “record label” than $R&$ – don’t @ me. if you want some more gold from that, floral prince (aka field medic) has a secret mixtape that’s up there with his album from earlier this year. freak folk forever baby

stay feckin,
sai
________
Sai,

I’m trying this new thing where I’m a total asshole to everyone so I can get ahead in life. You’re my first victim, so feck yew!

Yeee! Just kidding man! Thanks so much for this lovely and well written letter. Seriously, I thought I was NY Times material but have you read your own writing? You don’t even use capital letters. That takes ballz. Trust me, I’m a highly professional and expert writer myself, so I know what I’m talking about.

I would caution you about reaching out to bandcamp on my behalf. I think they hate me. I’ve been mildly irritating them with emails and comments for a while now, and if I were them, I’d be getting pretty sick of it.

Hey, thanks so much for all the positive feedback and for the congratulations on my wedding. You know marriage is pretty weird if you think about it: Humans have all these ridiculous rituals and most of them are idiotic, but I figure you need a partner in life and you might aswell celebrate that with the people you love. I could do without all the attention though, so I’m glad it’s over.

Thanks for the recommendations too. Field Medic I’ve heard of, but this Derek Ted guy is new to me. Since folk went pop a few years back it’s been hard to find folk that doesn’t suck, but I’m digging both of these. Hopefully there’s more of this stuff on the horizon and less HO HEY. What a stupid fecking song. Jeezis Christ.

Keep on fighting the good fight,
S.D.

Doesn’t English (#027) – Dongker

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Sadly, this album was just barely nudged out of the top 5 for July. The Russians win again, but Indonesia is putting up a fight. Just listen to this thing. It’s infectious. Seriously you should take some antibiotics after listening. Maybe rub yourself down with hydrogen peroxide. Make sure you get it in all the holes and cracks. If my translations are correct (and they often aren’t) there is a lyric on here that says “Cobain is a god, to hell with god” wow! I’m not exactly sure the context on that, but either way, in the spirit of punk rock, I have to respect the boldness of such a statement. The album art is very Double-Nickels-On-The-Dime-like but the similarities to the Minutemen more or less end there, incase you were wondering. Oh you weren’t wondering? Ok well calm down.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JULY 2019]

sans lorenzo lombardSans Lorenzo – Lombard
(Midwest Emo) X (Northwest Indie Rock) ÷ (Post Punk) minus (Lorenzo) = A fecking dope-ass band. I can only imagine what they must sound like WITH Lorenzo! You know what this sounds like? Don’t answer that, it’s a rhetorical question. It sounds like raw potential. Not that they haven’t already achieved absolute awesomeness, but because if/when these guys put out another album, it’s going to completely blow my damn face off. There is a sad urgency to this that can only be fostered by the corn mazes of the midwest. Couple that with a totally new take on post-punk-emo and, I’m telling you, you’ve got something very special. I am totally stoked on this band right now and I don’t just throw around the word stoked indiscriminately you guys. Please Midwest Jesus! Send us more!   Listen on Bandcamp

feed the pet alitasFeed The Pet – Alitas     [Buy it on Amazon!]
STOKED! This reminds me of something and I can’t remember what it was but goddamn I must have loved it. How could I not remember something that would have been so rad? I listen to entirely too much music. That’s my problem, but I can’t stop. I’m in too deep. Speaking of deep, these songs are like the fucking Atlantic ocean in that regard. You know what, with writing like this I’m surprised the New York Times isn’t knocking at my door. It’s just a matter of time I figure. Or should I say times? Get it times? If this was a real life conversation I’d just be staring at you with a vacant look in my eyes right now. Anyway, obviously this band jumps. Get outa here and go listen to it ya little rascal. Actually wait. Don’t go yet. Read the rest of this first ya little rascal.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

someday best deep restSomeday Best – Deep Rest     [Buy it on Amazon!]
Remember that Braid song that said “slow as Rapid City”? That’s what always comes to mind when I think about Rapid City. What a great lyric too. This band doesn’t necessarily reflect the ironic slowness of their home town though. They’re slow at times but overall rather jumpy, and I imagine they’re literally pounding life into the kids of Rapid City, one frazzled indie punk jam at a time. Another thing I always think of when I hear about that city is how the Bouncing Souls had their alternator die somewhere between there and Mankato Minnesota, or so the story goes in that one song, whatever it’s called. Also, Rapid City is a cool-name for a city. It just sounds badass right? RIGHT? Thought so. There’s a song on here called Girls Of Summer. Don’t worry, it’s not what you think. Or is it? No, it’s not. Right? Wrong. Maybe. No.   Listen on Bandcamp

result of choice place of my dreamsResult Of Choice – Place Of My Dreams     [Buy it on Amazon!]
I hope you don’t need to sit down for a while cuz you’re about to get your butt slapped off dood. If you turn this up loud enough a circle pit will form no matter where you are, so use caution. For example, I would not start blasting this at your local lawn bowling club unless you wanna find out what it’s like to get an elbow to the chin from a senior citizen. When it comes to hardcore, I’m not really about that crossover metalic shit. I like the classic sound, so this is really hitting the spot for me. It’s not the hardest of core but it slaps all the same. Protect your posterior.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Сияние ЖеланияСияние – Желания     [Buy it on Amazon!]
Surprise surprise, it’s another Russian band. How do you say ‘The Doesn’t Suck’ in Russian? I’m thinking of making a few changes around here. I need to be drinking more vodka too. You know, for research. I think this is the second band from Yakutsk I’ve featured on the blog which comes as no shock because I know there is a fierce underground punk scene happening there, and it is in fact considered the coldest major city on earth. It all makes perfect sense. Cold + angry kids = angrier kids = punk rock. It’s simple arithmetics. This is some foggy shoegaze punk too and I love that trend, especially when it’s executed in this way exactly.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: My apologies to all the bands featured in this months top 5. Usually my writing is absolutely immaculate, Shakespearean even, but I kind of half-assed it this month. I’ve got a lot on my mind ok. I’m getting married like next weekend and it’s freaking me the feck out. I’m having a lot of weird wedding dreams. I’m finding it hard to focus on much of anything, but I still feel inspired enough by these albums to throw this top 5 together, so I hope everyone finds something they like. Umm there is a cellist named Gordon Withers putting out an all cello all Jawbreaker covers album on August 6th, so work that into your life somehow. I’m hoping I can work it in to my wedding ceremony. Yo! Check out the SCRAP HEAP for a crap-load more great releases from this month. Keep listening to weird bands and supporting them however possible. Keep telling your friends this is your favourite new music resource, and most importantly: keep on fighting the good fight. Oh! & follow me on twitter to have lots of fun conversations with me an a bunch of other music nerds. @SteveDoesnt

Doesn’t English (#026) – Kiteflighter

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From deep within the pierogi-stuffed bowels of the Ukraine, here is a scrappy emo outfit called Kitefighter. Have you ever seen a kite fight? Not for the faint of heart, let me tell you. Holy hell, the strings, the wind.. It gets ugly. Wait, it’s Kiteflighter? Feck! In doing a bit of research I discovered that the word Ukraine itself actually means something like “borderlands”. Which is why it’s the Ukraine and not just Ukraine. Which begs the question: If “canada” means “village” why the feck are we not calling it The Canada? I know I will be from now on. It’s what M. Night Shyamalon would have wanted. May he rest in peace. If you are still reading this, you must have a very high tolerance for total nonsense, and since that’s the case I would like us to be friends forever saved-by-the-bell-style.