Doesn’t English (#017) Apsurd + Riviera + Rata Negra + Teksti-tv 666

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You know I started going through new releases this month and by October 4th I already had three non-english releases in high interest for the monthly Top 5. I thunk it over and decided I would have to dump them all here for the DE this month, cuz at this rate I’ll never narrow down a Top 5. It’s just going to be one of those months, I can tell. Let’s be clear now, every one of these releases is easily Top 5 material for October. Except for maybe Teksti-tv 666 because that was released in September.

If you’re a hardcore head you need to focus your attention on Derealizacija by Apsurd. I’m going bananas about this thing. Serbian hardcore could easily become my new obsession if it all sounds like this. Come to think of it, this is probably staying in the Top 5.

If ruckus Spanish emo is more your thing then zero in on Contrasto by Riviera. This is pretty adventurous stuff. Hard to describe actually. Umm it’s like riding a unicorn naked. You know what that’s like right? Yeah, it’s like that, and guess what.. The unicorn is also naked.

Also from Spain is Rata Negra which means Black Rat. I didn’t even use google to translate that. This is why you guys need to trust every word I say. I clearly know what I’m talking about. Listen to this if you like scratched-raw melodic punk en Espanol.

If you’re looking for something a little more, uh, Scandinavian, then you’re gonna wanna have a listen to Teksti-tv 666 from Finland. Man this thing slaps. Big sound, lots of attitude and that’s about as far as I can go in describing this. Figure it out for yourself.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [SEPTEMBER 2018]

guestbed ashtray parablesGuestbed – Ashtray Parables
Ashtray Parables, not to be confused with (but surely inspired by) the Ashtray Monuments of the Jawbreaker persuasion, is the chillest album I’ve heard this year. If every guest-bed was this relaxing I wouldn’t have had so many nightmares about Beetlejuice when I was a kid. Why would I be scared by Beetlejuice you ask? The same reason I was scared by Harry & The Hendersons! Need I say more!!? In truth, this band doesn’t sound anything like Jawbreaker. That’s usually something I would say to express my dislike for something: as in “WTF?!! This soup doesn’t sound like Jawbreaker!” *spits soup on the floor* But in this case, it’s alright, because the tunes here are way cool. Look, I don’t know where you got the idea this blog was going to make sense. Whoever told you that should be locked away somewhere.   Listen on Bandcamp

criminal grossness criminal nicenessCriminal Grossness – Criminal Niceness
This is easily the best thing out of Winnipeg since Burton Cummings’s mustache. Here is a photo for reference. Yeah, exactly. You see what I’m saying now. This is high praise. But with all due respect to Burton’s stash, these guys don’t have time to break it to you gently. This whole EP clocks in at under 10 minutes. I think all these songs are sort of inspired by “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around With You” by the Ramones. They even use that line at the beginning, and the rest of the songs seem to follow the same “Boys rule, girls drool/My girlfriends got me totally bummed out” sort of rhetoric. Which, in today’s climate of feminism, is a risky thing to endorse, but I don’t think these guys mean anything by it. There’s no political statement being made here. It’s just an homage to an oddly specific type of Ramones song. The album art is exquisitely refined by the way. Truly majestic.   Listen on Bandcamp

horror my friend home lifeHorror My Friend – Home Life
I like my Australian indie punk the same way I like my Australian shrubs. Prickly! This album is the musical parallel of riding your bike into a blackberry bush. Did you know that in Australia the blackberry bushes are the preferred habitat of the venomous blackberry bat? It’s true, trust me. You don’t even have to look this up. I’ve done all the research. You come to my blog, you find new bands and you get the cold facts about nature. That’s what they say about The Doesn’t Suck. That’s what they always say.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

имя твоей бывшей НАРИСОВАН ТУТ ЖЕ СТЕРТЫЙимя твоей бывшей – НАРИСОВАН, ТУТ ЖЕ СТЕРТЫЙ
Another excellent band emerges from the Russian fog, like a man in a tracksuit, or a trench coat, or an elderly woman with a head scarf, or a pack of stray dogs.. An elderly woman wearing a tracksuit who has somehow tamed and leashed a pack of stray dogs wearing head scarves! Yes! If that doesn’t put this in perspective for you then I don’t know what the hell your problem is. Wait! A pack of stray elderly ladies wearing trench coats.. You know what, forget it. They’ve dubbed themselves north-east emo, which I think is to say they are not another midwest emo band. Which is a shame because we have so few of those nowadays, but not such a shame afterall, because what these guys are doing is equally, if not even more, rad. It’s so cool when bands from far off places reinvent the wheel so to speak. It’s like emo is potatoes and these guys are making vodka. Oof! It’s a relief to finally have the word “potatoes” on my blog.   Listen on Bandcamp

rockade epRockcade – Self Titled EP
If you grew up in a time when video game graphics were terrible and their theme music was terrific, you are automatically obliged to love this EP. You have no choice in the matter. Nostalgia is a powerful drug and you are defenseless dear friend. Why would you want to fight this anyway? It feels so good. You put this on and you’re transported back to some shaggy-carpeted basement with an old couch and a cat you’re allergic to. Look, if you want to piggyback on my memories you’re going to have to be allergic to cats. That’s just how it was. Dogs too, and almost every one of your friends had one or the other, or both. You had a fairly traumatic childhood. Come to think of it, this music is starting to make it difficult for you to breath. Ugh but it’s so dope.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES:
Well, it’s October, AKA Death-Month. If you are one of those people who claim to love the fall, I hope there’s a very special place in hell for you. What is it exactly that you like about it though? The constant rain? The rotting leaves? The smell of salmon spawning? The perpetual grayness of everything, including your very soul? You must be one ray of fucking sunshine to find happiness in such things. I bet you’re a morning person too. I hate you. Hey, by the way, my birthday is in a couple weeks! Please don’t send me any b-day wishes, but please do continue to read my blog. Continue to seek out and discover new bands. Support said bands. Continue being music nerds and continue visiting The Doesn’t Suck: the worlds number one new music resource for weirdos. Have a miserable Halloween. Oh! And don’t forget to check the Scrap Heap for heaps of other great releases from September.

COMPOST (#015) – Burdigala Records

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Straight outa Bordeaux France (home of wine and probably other things too), this is the Bordal Fest compilation. Bordal Fest being some kind of concert series celebrating the partnership between Burdigala Records and something called Picole. I don’t know what any of this means for either party, but I do know it means a pretty sick comp full of squeaky-clean pop punk for our enjoyment. Any one of these bands could be very much at home on Fat Wreck Chords, and no, I don’t mean that as an insult. I see how it could be perceived as one though. All I’m saying is this stuff really appeals to the 15 year old skater-punk in me, and it should appeal to the one in you too. If you don’t have a 15 year old skater-punk in you.. You know what, I’m gonna stop myself right there. Have a nice day folks.

From the DEMONSTRATION DEPARTMENT – Sicayda

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Another demo that’s more of an EP than most of the EP’s I come across. In the spirit of punk rock, I personally think it’s acceptable to put out your first ever recording session, no matter how awful, as an EP with an awesome title. That’s just me. Not everyone feels that way. I get it, but to call something this good a demo, to me just feels so…professional. And if you’ve read my blog, you know professionalism is not something I strive towards, or even condone really. Having said that, this here demo is easily the most dopest thing I’ve heard out of my homeland in months. Oof! These songs sound like when you dump a garbage can full of hockey pucks into a bigger garbage can full of guitars. You know when you do that? And then you figure skate to it? Exactly.

Doesn’t English (#016) – побег

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I have no idea what this band is even called. In their bandcamp URL they’re called Pobeg but on the bandcamp page itself they’re called побег. If that doesn’t confuse you enough, the name on the album art appears to be Jiosez. Typical Russian confusion tactics am I right? Pobeg, I think, is the english alphabet spelling of побег, which means “the escape”. Don’t quote me on any of this please. I’m very confused (in general but also about this band). At least there’s no confusion about how freakin’ rad this release is. If I were to transcribe this into colours, the lyrics would be grey or brown and the music itself would be purple with sharp bursts of pink and red. What, you don’t hear colours? I hear the rainbow y’all. This is so good. Track 2, oof! I love it so much.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [AUGUST 2018]

crown poochedCrown – Pooched
Man these are some fuzzy little numbers. Very dog-centric songwriting here, and dogs are also fuzzy so my fuzz meter is really chirping right now. I wont attribute the awesomeness of this album to something in the water in Victoria because I’ve had the water in Victoria and there is nothing in it. It’s just water. There is something in the air though. Seagulls! A lot of marijuana smoke too probably. This is actually my favourite release this month and I have surprisingly little to say about it. Umm, lets see.. Well have you seen the album art? It has dogs on it and I think one of them is eating an ice cream cone. There might also be a gaint octopus creature eating an ice cream cone. I can’t be too sure. All four songs clock in at less than 7 minutes, so realistically, you could probably finish this thing off while your sweet and sour meatballs are cooking. I literally just Googled “what takes 7 minutes to cook”.    Listen on Bandcamp

kaleb burnKaleb – Burn
I went to highschool with a Kaleb. He wasn’t the brightest knife in the shed that Kaleb. I think he was a year older than me and I graduated before him. That was the year the 90’s ended, and so we said goodbye to a decade of crucial bands and said hello to Smashmouth. Smashmouth is one word right? Hey whoever came up with the name of that band, we all owe you a high five dude. Actually, in all honesty, the early 2000’s were full of incredible bands that I was too busy listening to Tupac to notice at the time. The 90’s were quite likely the better decade though, and this band Kaleb seems to be aware of that. I can easily imagine a weird artsy early 90’s music video set to this music. Lots of long hair in the video too. Lots!    Listen on Bandcamp

roseate wiltawayRoseate – Wiltaway
I had to Google the definition of Roseate just to get the phonetic spelling, so I could pronounce this band. I consider myself a bit of a wordsmith, but I’ve never heard of that word and, in truth, I do not like it. It’s stupid and I hate it, and I wouldn’t be caught dead using it in a sentence. Be that as it may, this band is a disturbance of wonderment that can not be measured. I think they could very well be the true path to peace on earth. It may be roseate of me to say so, but I’m sure there is something supernatural about these sounds. They cast a warm roseate light upon me as I sit here listening. In all conscience, you would have to be a horrible leprechaun of a person to not love this. I just wish they hadn’t given themselves such a stupid sucky name that feels awful in my mouth.    Listen on Bandcamp

tracy soto self titledTracy Soto – Self Titled
I would say this band was following in the footsteps of Inland Empire forefathers like Falling Sickness and The Voodoo Glow Skulls, but they’re not. They’re from Riverside CA and they’re not a ska punk band. Propgandhi was wrong in 1993 when they said “ska sucks” but, ex post facto, they were 100% correct. In other words, ska punk was cool in the 90’s. It is not cool anymore. It has not aged well. You have to grow out of it eventually like you would Weird Al or, well, Propagandhi. Actually that’s a bad example cuz I think I would respect the hell of someone if they were still a hardcore Weird Al fan in their mid 30’s. Anyway, yeah, no ska punk here whatsoever. We’ve got a mixed bucket of punk rock n roll with some indie punk sloshed around in there with some ice and someone’s foot cuz it hot in Southern California godammit! Ska punk bands, please stop. Do something like Tracy Soto is doing instead. It’s ok. It’s ok. Shhhhh shhhh. Let it go. Just let it go. It’s time. Shhh. Put that trumpet down. Uh uh. No. Shhhh. It’s ok.    Listen on Bandcamp

4brothers self titled4Brothers – Self Titled
Wow this is a treat for your ears folks. So many fun things are going to come through your headphones when you click play on this. It’s undeniably pleasing to listen to. Yes, it’s poppier than, uhhh what’s poppy? Popcorn? Wow. Yes and probably too poppy in fact, but holy hell I can’t get enough. I don’t feel guilty about it either. I’m not ashamed! Now it’s time for me to make an unfair association, based on gender and geography. 4Brothers is kind of like a 90’s band called Cigaretteman because they were both catchy pop punk bands with male/female vocals from Japan. The similarities don’t go any further than that. They sound nothing alike. Hey why is this band called 4Brothers though when one of the members is clearly a girl? Great, now I’m assuming genders. Maybe it’s a dude with a really angelic voice. I don’t know ok. Andre 3000 was great in that Four Brothers movie wasn’t he? Why isn’t he in more movies? Remember when DMX was making movies? Hahahahahaha oh wow. Those were bad. Ok I’m done here.    Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES:
Hey thanks for reading. I hope you found something you liked. I’m trying to make this your favourite new music resource. This is where you’re going to find the weird bands you’ve never heard of. The ones hiding deep inside the internet that your algorithms can’t locate. Please tell your friends and stay tuned! You never know what I might dig up next. Also, be sure to check out the Scrap Heap for loads of great bands that didn’t make the top five. Ok bye! [These endnotes are a complete copypasta of last months endnotes because I just ran out of time this month and I have to get this thing posted!]

From the MOST INTERESTING SONG TITLES DEPARTMENT – Here are some recent discoveries:

awake by noon i hope youre okbinary commit more arsonbret rewalt adjectivecar spiders the luxury of silencecurrently in these united statesdeath cow slow drownhe was an artist he was a carpenter treat you wellhoney be well these emo kids and their damn polaroidshouseparty keep it simplejeffrey lewis works by tuli kupferberglatterman turn up the punk well be singinglife hacks awful man splitnow what if you lived here youd be home by nowoxford dwellingpaper rosesparty fridge all these songs are happy songspour me another pour purerileyshark party chumsmalltime vault the fury beneath the love

“Be Worry. Don’t Happy”
“I Went Somewhere And All I Got Was Something”
“I Wanna Hold Your Foot”
“B​.​Y​.​O​.​T. (Bring Your Own Tears)”
“I Seriously Wrote This One To Apologize To My Girlfriend After A Fight We Had In Which She Was 100% Correct and I Was 100% In The Wrong”
“Defender Of Lame Things”
“Yes, I Said You Were Dead. And Yes, I Used The F Word”
“Poison Your Boss”
“Kevin James Needs To See A Doctor”
“(That’s What) She Said Don’t”
“There’s No Problem You Can’t Handle By Running Away”
“Urethra Fork (the point where I start to judge​.​.​.​)”
“Fuck Me I Love Death Metal”
“Get Your Friends Together (To Commit Arson) (The Arson Song)”
“Space Jam 2: The Jam Spaces You”
“Ned Flanders Fields”
“I’ll Backhand The Fuck Out Of A Seagull”
“Around Here We Mourn Our Young”
“We Can’t Stop Here, This Is Rat Country”
“Ted Cruz Was The Zodiac Killer”
“I Have Mixed Drinks About My Feelings”
“God Released Me into the Wild and Now He’s Hunting Me for Sport”
“The Cheap Groceries On The Bottom Shelf Taste The Same As The Leading Brand”
“The All New iPhone 666”