Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JUNE 2018]

snail mail lushSnail Mail – Lush
Let us cast our thoughts backwards in time. All the way back to the year of two thousand and sixteen. Ryan Lochte was prank calling 9-1-1 in Brazil, Finding Dory was touching the hearts of a nation, and the Earth, collectively, was forfeiting all of it’s marbles. Also it was a very strong year for new music. If it weren’t for Rot Forever by Sioux Falls, Habit by Snail Mail would have been the best release of that year. Those two releases still hold steady as my top 2 of the past 5 years. Stands to reason that I had high expectations for Lush. Expectations were not met. I knew going in that they wouldn’t be. Habit was just too perfect. Doesn’t change the fact that this is an incredible album though, and I will re-evaluate my position on this after listening to it a few hundred more times. Believe me, I’ll be listening to it a lot this summer, and if you have any sense whatsoever you’ll be doing the same. If you lack sense, I’m afraid I can’t help you. I’m operating on a very limited stockpile.   Listen on Spotify

new speedway total babeNew Speedway – Total Babe
Forget about the old speedway, it’s all about the New Speedway now. Get your funny cars gassed up and burn some rubber. By the way, this is the least motor-sports sounding album of all time. I don’t know what a motor-sports album should sound like, per se, but I know it shouldn’t sound like this. I’m not here to figure out why this band call themselves New Speedway though. That’s none of my business. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. What I need you to understand is that this here album is a fuzzy stroke of genius. It will capture you, it will put a bag over your head, it will throw you in the back of a van and it will inflict Stockholm syndrome upon you. Prepare yourself.   Listen on Bandcamp

ugly couple spill your gutsUgly Couple – Spill Your Guts
Oh man this is scratchy watchy Tallahatchie, and by Tallahatchie I mean Tampa. That would have made so much more sense if these fellers were from Mississippi and not Florida. If you can’t figure out what the hell I’m talking about, well la-tee-freakin’-dah! You with your fancy normal brain! There is a lesson to be learned here. Mental illness is a serious problem, and I’m not talking about myself. I’m talking about Billy Joe Mcallister dammit! This write-up has been a riddle. If you can figure out what I’m even talking about you will unlock the secret. POSTSCRIPT: The secret is that this album is dope af!   Listen on Bandcamp

nevasca collecting dustNevasca – Collecting Dust
As if there wasn’t reason enough already to visit the quaint little country of Russia, now we have Nevasca, and let me tell you; This band alone, is making me want to pack my bags. Something tells me they’re not coming to Vancouver anytime soon, so intercontinental air travel seems like the only answer. In all honesty though, there’s only one band I would put that much effort into seeing. They’re called Jawbreaker and I already saw them sooo, yeah, I’m better than you. Anyway, I do feel like this band would be pretty mind-blasting live. It’s one of those things that should happen by accident though. Like “Oh I was in Russia and this guy Sergei gave me some weird Vodka and I ended up in a dank back alley where I stumbled through a purple door into this underground bar and I saw this mind-blasting band called Nevasca”. You know, something like that. I highly recommend you all accidentally do that.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

the 1-2 manys spell atticThe 1-2 Manys – Spell Attic
I always say the coolest time to go back to would be the early 60’s. It’s such a white person thing to say, and my girlfriend Zainab would always be like “ugh yeah, I’m sure it would be great for you!” Her trepidation, of course, based on all the openly racist people back then, just being openly racist and oppressive. Not like today where.. Oh wait. Anyway, umm look the good news is, you can still listen to the music of the 60’s and be transported back to a highschool sock hop sans ignorant rednecks. And if the Righteous Brothers aren’t ruckus enough for you (you’re wrong btw, the Righteous Brothers are ruckus as fuck! but I digress) you can listen to a good old bubblegum punk band like the 1-2 Manys (great band name). Lucky for you they just put out an EP. Go do the twist to it.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: I know this months top 5 is coming to you a few days early. This is because I’m heading out on a road trip tomorrow and wont be back for 10 days. Hopefully there aren’t any mind-blasting albums coming out this Friday. I hope everything that comes out in the next 3 days is absolutely awful. All of it. Let it suck so much. A pox on all of your new releases this Friday. A hex upon you! Let your music be the worst music of all time. Die Die Dieee! Wow too far. Anyways. I’ll be back later. Don’t forget to check the Scrap Heap for all the other cool stuff that came out this month.

COMPOST (#013) – Jeruk Records

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Last month’s Comp Post spurred on a major Mutant Pop Records nerd-out. This month I’m trying not to have a full on Lookout! Records nerd-out. Back to back nerd-outs are not good for my sperm count, and a Lookout! Records nerd-out is like the motherload of all nerd-outs. (My Google analytics told me I need to use the words ‘nerd’ and ‘out’ more often). I’m just going to explain this quickly and then get the hell out of here before something weird happens. Jeruk Records is an Indonesian label that appears to specialize in 90’s-style pop punk of the weasel persuasion. They’re going to anyway. It looks like they only have 2 releases on Bandcamp so far, this comp being the first. An introduction, if you will, to the kind of kickassery they’re planning on dishing out. Keep a close eye on these guys, and don’t be surprised if you see me talking more about them in the future. I have to go, this is getting too intense! Giggity!

POSTSCRIPT: Sorry about the Quagmire thing.

From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Tumble Turn

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Everybody now! “Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit! Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit!” Oh man, this is going to be stuck in my head for days. Carp are one of the dumber looking fish, I must say. It’s no wonder they’re so much fun to catch. I’ve never caught one myself, but I saw one in a ditch once and it looked fabulous. Boy I could talk about carp all day but there’s so many other fun topics on this album. Collecting cans, for example, and taking them to another state to make a profit, like Kramer and Newman tried to do in that one episode of Seinfeld. Only this time it’s in Australia so there are poisonous birds flying around. Another thing they touch on here is sausages. Who doesn’t like to touch on sausages right? These particular sausages are from a store called Bunnings which I guess is like an Australian Home Depot but with a way better name, and the vendor in the parking lot sells sausages instead of just hot dogs. Or maybe hot dogs and sausages are the same thing in Australia. That’s none of my business though. What I’m most intrigued by is that both stores sell meat in their parking lots on opposite sides of the world. We’re all the same you see. That’s what this album is really trying to tell us.

 

Doesn’t English (#014) – Pekopon

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First thing that comes to mind when you hear “Fukushima”… Disaster? Tsunami? Nuclear meltdown? You know, it must be weird having your homeland forever associated with something tragic and awful *insert Trump jokes here*. Maybe now we can associate Fukushima with this noisy-ass indie rock instead. Pekopon (not to be confused with ‘Pekopen’ which, as I understand it, is some kind of racial slur) is more than just a noisy band. It’s also what the Keron soldiers call Earth in the anime Keroro Gunso. I’m just learning about this now so maybe I’m getting this all wrong. Something about a space frog who does chores for humans. What is the connection between Pekopon the planet and Pekopon the band? Why is the frog doing chores for these people? What in the hell is a kero ball!? I have so many questions.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [MAY 2018]

the cardboard swords once more there is nothing left to figure out grand rapids emoThe Cardboard Swords – Once More There Is Nothing Left To Figure Out
Well folks, it looks like we have a new frontrunner for 2018. I can’t even remember who the previous frontrunner was to tell you the truth, but whoever they are they can hit the bricks because this is one goddamn hell of a record right here. I don’t even mind the “woahhooh ohh ohh” parts, and those are just about as played out as Seinfeld reruns. Actually that’s a bad example. I could never get tired of Seinfeld reruns. Apparently I never get tired of “whaooh ohh ohh”s either. That’s not true. I do get very tired of them. It’s starting to actually make me nauseous. This band kind of makes it feel like I’m hearing it for the first time though. It doesn’t seem recycled at all. Probably because everything else about this album is so not your run of the mill midwest emo. There’s like slam poetry on here dude! Sure all the usual emo elements are there but they’re not being delivered in the same old box this time. It’s kind of like this was wrapped meticulously with care, with a pretty bow, and then literally kicked by someone’s foot at your front porch from the sliding door of a van careening through your neighborhood. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” you gush, standing in your doorway as the van drives over your neighbors dog Brandon. I don’t know why you would be confused at this point, but incase you are, I will simplify: This album good!   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

just mustard wednesday irish lo-fiJust Mustard – Wednesday
If they’re doing another Jurassic World movie they might consider hiring this band to do the sound effects for the dinosaurs. Yes, dinosaur screams; That’s what comes to mind when I listen to this. Also a feral child with a garbage can lid and an inexplicable capacity for percussion. Is this sounding bad, because it’s not at all. It’s the opposite of bad. It’s heavenly, but also darker and slimier than Satans bathroom (aka heaven). I’m pretty sure this is all making perfect sense to you by now. I can’t think of any way I could have said this more clearly. Actually I take back the part about the feral kid with the garbage can lid. It’s more like you are inside a small shack made of sheet metal or plastic siding and the talented feral child is drumming on the outside of it. There, now it’s clear. Seriously though, I love what they’ve done with the drums on this thing. The rest of it aint half bad either.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

breakfast in silence its hard to be open minded when you wanna die utah indie emoBreakfast In Silence – It’s Hard To Be Open Minded When You Wanna Die
“Here’s to the bands that never went anywhere but on tour”
I mean wow. What an awesome thing to say. Gets a punker right in the feels ya know. That line kind of sums up what I’m trying to do with this blog too. I suppose I’d be tempted to chuck these folks in there with bands like Camp Cope or Forth Wanderers. Both of those bands are great and I don’t mean to take anything away from them but uhh, these guys might be better dude. Yeah I said it. Every lyric on this album carries weight but somehow doesn’t weigh you down. That is an incredible talent in itself, not to mention, the stunning vocal prowess laid out on these songs. Did I really just use the words “stunning vocal prowess”? Ugh someone punch my face please. Here’s hoping Breakfast In Silence is going somewhere besides just on tour. You guys are going on tour though right?   Listen on Bandcamp

moonkisser self titled portland post hardcoreMoonkisser – Self Titled
Another album challenging genres in a way that gets me all randy, but also pisses me off, cuz how am I supposed to accurately describe it? Oh wait, I never do that on this blog anyways. I’ll give it a shot. Umm this has a big sound. I mean it sounds like it was recorded in a huge studio with all the fixin’s and mixin’s. I’m actively shaking my head at myself right now. Anyway, yeah, it sounds big and it’s palm-heavy which adds to the largeness. It’s definitely the most metallic thing I’ve ever not hated hearing. At first listen you’re thinking “Is this like Arena Punk or something” but as you listen, the complexities start adding up. By the time you’re half way into it, your like “What in the shit is this?” and that’s the question I’ve been trying to answer for like a week now. It sounds familiar but it’s not, it’s a cloak. Late 80’s post-punk-gaze-core? Forget it. I’m done trying. Figure it out for yourself.   Listen on Bandcamp

blurg poser florida pop punkBLURG! – Poser
Make no mistake about it, these guys are blurg. If you don’t believe me, listen to the first track, they state it very blatantly. If you don’t think this is blurg, then you’re obviously not paying attention. It’s very reminiscent of the Lookout/Mutant Pop bands of the 90’s we all love so much. Even making up words like ‘blurg’ is a forgotten artform. It’s no surprise the original blurgburger, Joe Queer, had a hand in this. Especially with their demo being titled Maximum Dumbassery. The subject matter almost feels dated, like this was recorded 20 years ago. This is high praise I’m dishing out right now by the way. There used to be hundreds of bands like this. They all sounded exactly the same and it was amazing. Bring back the blurg army, that’s what I say. These guys are doing good work. Thank you for your service Blurg.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

 Hey don’t forget to check out the Scrap Heap section for all the great releases I found this month (there’s a lot of them), or if you don’t feel like digging through that mess, keep an eye on my twitter. I’ve decided I’m going to start tweeting all the best stuff that doesn’t make my top 5.