From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Final Warning’s Adam Sandler Tribute Album

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What happens when you mix misty bedroom indie with sound clips from Adam Sandler movies? You get a project called Final Warning, which seems like a name better suited for a mid 80’s NYHC band. In fact I would not be the least bit surprised if you told me it was. Maybe not from New York, but there absolutely has to have been a hardcore band somewhere at some point called Final Warning. If there wasn’t then I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t even know what planet I’m on. What’s the point of anything!? This just in: There most definitely was a hardcore band called Final Warning in the 80’s out of Portland OR. I knew it. In your face. Anyway, so yeah, this whole album is a tribute to Adam Sandler (aka the Sandman). There’s even a sick cover of the emo classic Somebody Kill Me Please from The Wedding Singer. I really appreciate this actually. Yeah in recent years the comedy of the Sand has been a bit bland, but when you were a prepubescent boy in 1996, there was nothing on earth more suited to your needs than The Goat and Do It For Your Mama. That man was a child and that child was a genius.

From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – David Ivan Neil

Finally! Finally someone has written two songs with corresponding videos detailing the outcome for The Terminator and one of the guys he shot in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Yes, it’s no longer a mystery, and you need not wonder how the terminator had access to Tinder in 1991, because obviously he was futuristic and shit. A lot of people don’t realize there are Petro-Can’s in California but there are. There’s at least one. It’s proven in the video. Thank you to my countryman David Ivan Neil over at Kingfisher Bluez for bringing this information to the masses. You are a treasury of historical truths and your service is invaluable. Also these songs are captivating.

From the MOST INTERESTING SONG TITLES DEPARTMENT – Here are some recent discoveries:

chachi on acid keep your idealism practicalcharmpit squirrel away the summergood time aussie keep it in ya fuckin headjim murtagh my friends are coming overjust another fake bit poserkick set serene sundaykillsnitch engage what is a peckermurderperson for hire i thought id be dead by nowmustangs and madras caution bangmylo shift and georgie isaacs partners in grimenothing dance on the blacktopperky macabretest pilot demo 3test pilot demo 4the long knivesthe noble savages trouble brewingthe worst generation nasty spiritsvanvancar punks not dead but the old taylor isvibe out cloud puddingzombie met girl super atomic werewolf chicks on motorcycles

“Theme from “New Girl” Weeknights on FOX”
“Waldo Finds Himself”
“Drunk During the First Day of Flight School”
“Take Some Pills And Drive Around”
“Mall Goth Is Alive And Well And Living In America”
“Super Atomic Werewolf Chicks On Motorcycles”
“Time Sure Flies (When You’re Young And Jerking Off)”
“Go Go Gadget Anxiety Attack”
“(HOPE) Is Just Another Word With A Hole In It”
“Procrastination Masturbation”
“More Fun Than A Finger In The Bum”
“Get In The Fucking Robot Shinji”
“It’s Always Summer Up My Skirt”
“If I Start Snoring (Just Make Out With Me)”
“God Damn All Your Favourite People”
“Eat Yer Lil Caesars N’ Be Grateful”
“Abscessesame Street”
“[I’ve Listened To More] Titus Andronicus [Than I’ve Read William Shakespeare]”
“God And His Infinite Piss”
“War March Of The Lunar Poo Monsters, Born From The Bags Of Astronaut Faeces Left On The Moon​”

 

From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Tumble Turn

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Everybody now! “Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit! Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit!” Oh man, this is going to be stuck in my head for days. Carp are one of the dumber looking fish, I must say. It’s no wonder they’re so much fun to catch. I’ve never caught one myself, but I saw one in a ditch once and it looked fabulous. Boy I could talk about carp all day but there’s so many other fun topics on this album. Collecting cans, for example, and taking them to another state to make a profit, like Kramer and Newman tried to do in that one episode of Seinfeld. Only this time it’s in Australia so there are poisonous birds flying around. Another thing they touch on here is sausages. Who doesn’t like to touch on sausages right? These particular sausages are from a store called Bunnings which I guess is like an Australian Home Depot but with a way better name, and the vendor in the parking lot sells sausages instead of just hot dogs. Or maybe hot dogs and sausages are the same thing in Australia. That’s none of my business though. What I’m most intrigued by is that both stores sell meat in their parking lots on opposite sides of the world. We’re all the same you see. That’s what this album is really trying to tell us.