From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Final Warning’s Adam Sandler Tribute Album

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What happens when you mix misty bedroom indie with sound clips from Adam Sandler movies? You get a project called Final Warning, which seems like a name better suited for a mid 80’s NYHC band. In fact I would not be the least bit surprised if you told me it was. Maybe not from New York, but there absolutely has to have been a hardcore band somewhere at some point called Final Warning. If there wasn’t then I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t even know what planet I’m on. What’s the point of anything!? This just in: There most definitely was a hardcore band called Final Warning in the 80’s out of Portland OR. I knew it. In your face. Anyway, so yeah, this whole album is a tribute to Adam Sandler (aka the Sandman). There’s even a sick cover of the emo classic Somebody Kill Me Please from The Wedding Singer. I really appreciate this actually. Yeah in recent years the comedy of the Sand has been a bit bland, but when you were a prepubescent boy in 1996, there was nothing on earth more suited to your needs than The Goat and Do It For Your Mama. That man was a child and that child was a genius.

From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – David Ivan Neil

Finally! Finally someone has written two songs with corresponding videos detailing the outcome for The Terminator and one of the guys he shot in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Yes, it’s no longer a mystery, and you need not wonder how the terminator had access to Tinder in 1991, because obviously he was futuristic and shit. A lot of people don’t realize there are Petro-Can’s in California but there are. There’s at least one. It’s proven in the video. Thank you to my countryman David Ivan Neil over at Kingfisher Bluez for bringing this information to the masses. You are a treasury of historical truths and your service is invaluable. Also these songs are captivating.

From the MOST INTERESTING SONG TITLES DEPARTMENT – Here are some recent discoveries:

awake by noon i hope youre okbinary commit more arsonbret rewalt adjectivecar spiders the luxury of silencecurrently in these united statesdeath cow slow drownhe was an artist he was a carpenter treat you wellhoney be well these emo kids and their damn polaroidshouseparty keep it simplejeffrey lewis works by tuli kupferberglatterman turn up the punk well be singinglife hacks awful man splitnow what if you lived here youd be home by nowoxford dwellingpaper rosesparty fridge all these songs are happy songspour me another pour purerileyshark party chumsmalltime vault the fury beneath the love

“Be Worry. Don’t Happy”
“I Went Somewhere And All I Got Was Something”
“I Wanna Hold Your Foot”
“B​.​Y​.​O​.​T. (Bring Your Own Tears)”
“I Seriously Wrote This One To Apologize To My Girlfriend After A Fight We Had In Which She Was 100% Correct and I Was 100% In The Wrong”
“Defender Of Lame Things”
“Yes, I Said You Were Dead. And Yes, I Used The F Word”
“Poison Your Boss”
“Kevin James Needs To See A Doctor”
“(That’s What) She Said Don’t”
“There’s No Problem You Can’t Handle By Running Away”
“Urethra Fork (the point where I start to judge​.​.​.​)”
“Fuck Me I Love Death Metal”
“Get Your Friends Together (To Commit Arson) (The Arson Song)”
“Space Jam 2: The Jam Spaces You”
“Ned Flanders Fields”
“I’ll Backhand The Fuck Out Of A Seagull”
“Around Here We Mourn Our Young”
“We Can’t Stop Here, This Is Rat Country”
“Ted Cruz Was The Zodiac Killer”
“I Have Mixed Drinks About My Feelings”
“God Released Me into the Wild and Now He’s Hunting Me for Sport”
“The Cheap Groceries On The Bottom Shelf Taste The Same As The Leading Brand”
“The All New iPhone 666”

From the DOESN’t SERIOUS COMEDY DEPARTMENT – Tumble Turn

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Everybody now! “Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit! Fishing for carp! Fishing For carp! Fun to catch but they taste like shit!” Oh man, this is going to be stuck in my head for days. Carp are one of the dumber looking fish, I must say. It’s no wonder they’re so much fun to catch. I’ve never caught one myself, but I saw one in a ditch once and it looked fabulous. Boy I could talk about carp all day but there’s so many other fun topics on this album. Collecting cans, for example, and taking them to another state to make a profit, like Kramer and Newman tried to do in that one episode of Seinfeld. Only this time it’s in Australia so there are poisonous birds flying around. Another thing they touch on here is sausages. Who doesn’t like to touch on sausages right? These particular sausages are from a store called Bunnings which I guess is like an Australian Home Depot but with a way better name, and the vendor in the parking lot sells sausages instead of just hot dogs. Or maybe hot dogs and sausages are the same thing in Australia. That’s none of my business though. What I’m most intrigued by is that both stores sell meat in their parking lots on opposite sides of the world. We’re all the same you see. That’s what this album is really trying to tell us.

 

From the MOST INTERESTING SONG TITLES DEPARTMENT – Here are some recent discoveries:

 

Click’em to listen

“Thicc Melky Mommi G0th Girlfriend”
“A List Of Reasons Why I Need To Shut The Fuck Up”
“Lemon Ice King Of Queens”
“Look Mom I’m On A Horse”
“Finding Porn In The Woods”
“General Malaise Reporting for Duty”
“What Books Would Jesus Burn?”
“Sorry Vince McMahon, I Can’t Come to Your Gig Tonight, Maybe Next One?”
“Farted On My Favourite Shirt”
“Late Night Testicles”
“Very Pain Such Problem Many Hurt”
“One of the Perks of Being a Well​-​Known, Albeit Ineffective, Superhero”
“Your Cat Will Eat You When You Die”
“It’s Not The Size Of The Knife That Matters, It’s The Memories You Make”
“My Desire For You Is Stop Being A Fuck Wad”
“I Wanna Love God In A Gay Way”
“I (think I’m turning into my) Cat”
“I Got 99 Problems And Calling A Woman Bitch Is One”
“You Are The Gravy To The Mashed Potato That Is My Heart”