Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [MAY 2019]

hummin bird gutter glitterHummin’ Bird – Gutter Glitter
It’s hard to find a word suitable enough to express how awesome this is. Oh wait, ‘awesome’. That works. What else? Umm rad, dope, sick, dopesick?, choice, gnarly, etc etc, you get the gist, the essence, the point, and so on, and so forth, and suchlike, etc, etc, continued, yada yada, blah blah blah, shalom. I think we’re off to a good start here. Anyway, this is what I like to call the perfect blend of punk and indie rock. Indie punk if you will, which I long ago decided is my favourite genre. You may have noticed. Or maybe you’re not even paying attention to me. If that’s true then how are you reading this? I’ll give you a moment to collect your brain from the floor. Hi, welcome back. Go listen to this album.   Listen on Bandcamp

no collusion sticking setsNo Collusion – Sticking Sets
I’m telling you my streetpunk days are behind me, but goddamn, my appreciation for this little EP is undeniable. I come across A LOT of albums in the streetpunk genre and I have to say, I don’t usually get past the first song, but here is an obvious exception. Why you ask? Well first of all, I didn’t say I was open to questioning just yet, but whatever. It’s because this is rad as fuck. I mean just listen to it. It’s not your run of the mill streetpunk. There’s a lot more going on here, and I hope I’m not offending anyone by saying this, but it reminds me a little of some first-wave American shit, and with clever pissed off lyrics too. Yeah sure pissed off lyrics are easy to come by, but a lot of them tend to lack intelligence, don’t they? Now I sound pretentious, don’t I? How do you like all the questions? Huh? Sorry, I can’t stand dumb lyrics unless they’re intentionally dumb. Oh man, I’m gonna be bumpin’ this stuff all summer for real. These songs are catchy as all fuck.   Listen on Bandcamp

vacation zen quality seed crystalVacation – Zen Quality Seed Crystal [Buy it on Amazon!]
Turn up the awesome and turn down the fidelity. I mean pretty much just turn it off completely. It’s no-fi and it reminds me, at times, of Elvis Depressedly and at other times, Daniel Johnston in it’s plunky simplicity. Excuse me, may I borrow your trash can while I puke at how music-journalistic that just sounded? Plunky simplicity? Barf cough coughbarf spits. Woof! Sorry about that. I should note: this album marks the second addition to my recently started cassette collection. The first being the Karate Kids/Dad Thighs Split (which I highly recommend also). So far, this collection is goddamn flawless if I might say so myself, and lo-fi post-punk might be my favourite 2-hyphen genre. Wow I just used a hyphen with the word hyphen. I just keep out-doing myself. Holy shit another hyphen! Deaddd. You should really empty that trash can as soon as possible.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ice cream u dias rotosIce Cream Ü – Días Rotos [Buy it on Amazon!]
I really wanted to add this to my cassette collection too, but I just couldn’t justify spending twenty five Canadian dollars to pay for it and have it shipped to me from Mexico. I’m trying to be less stupid with my money. That twenty five bucks could buy me like 15 beers. Man, this is good though. Perfect soft-and-then-loud, shouty melodic emo, all in Spanish. This was a shoo-in for the Doesn’t English section, but I soon realized it has got to be in the top 5. How can it not be? It’s perfect. I don’t get what’s going on with the band name though.. Ice Cream Ü? In Spanish ‘U’ means ‘or’, but that doesn’t make sense either.. Unless it’s like ‘Ice Cream Or … ?’ You know, giving people the option right. Some of us are sensitive to lactose. Sensible a La Lactosa! Now that’s a band name.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

second narrows bandSecond Narrows – Self-titled
Second Narrows, if you’re not woke to Vancouver geography (shame on you if you’re not), is the second point on Burrard Inlet where it’s narrow. A good spot for a bridge, I suppose, which is why there’s a bridge crossing there to North Vancouver. Some people call it the Ironworkers Memorial Bridge. I call it the Second Narrows bridge because it just sounds a little bit less stupid. No offense to the ironworkers. What’s the deal with that anyway? Did a lot of ironworkers die when they were making that bridge? I’ll tell you one thing. If you go underneath that bridge (watch out for needles) you will see graffiti on the underside of it, like all the way out there, which means someone had the ballz enough to climb out there and tag it. I mean that’s some serious commitment to your brand right there. That always blew my mind. It’s been a long time since I’ve been down there but I’m assuming it’s still there because if someone put an equal amount of effort, and risk, into going out there to remove it, I would have to say that person is a vampire, and I don’t believe in vampires. In conclusion: this is a good album.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: It’s way too nice of a day to be inside doing this. I have to go sweep my deck too. It’s got a winters worth of pine needles and pine cones on it. Speaking of flammable materials, I hope the entire west coast of North America doesn’t burn to a crisp this summer. The sky was already smokey here in Vancouver last week. Oh well, if we’re all going to burn or choke to death, lets do it while listening to some rad tunes. This month does not disappoint (see evidence above). Also, if you’re hungry for even more, go munch on my SCRAP HEAP. Wow that sounded sexual and I think I just came up with a new name for my junk yard. Damn, this spiraled out of control quickly. Please continue to support weird bands and tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource on the cyberspace. Thanks ya’llz! & As Woody Guthrie would say, Take it easy but take it.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JANUARY 2019]

dad thighs karate kids splitKarate Kids/Dad Thighs – Split
I was thinking to myself a few weeks ago “I don’t collect enough useless things”, and so I decided to start a small cassette collection. I mean, I guess I’m re-starting the collection because in the early 90’s I had a pretty decent accumulation of Toad The Wet Sprocket and Smashing Pumpkins tapes. I definitely had some Rod Stewart in there too, and heaps of mixtapes I copied from my sister (who always had better taste in music). Sadly, the whereabouts of those tapes is currently filed under “lost forever”, hence my re-starting the collection. The first tape I’m adding to it is this nifty little split right here. Holy ass this thing lifts! Partly French, partly English, entirely radical, and again, not to boast, but they’re from where I’m from. That’s exciting because, let’s be honest, Vancouver is rapidly gentrifying itself into one big yoga/wine/coffee/kayaking studio and it makes me sick! *spits* Creative minds still thrive though, and here’s the evidence.   Listen on Bandcamp

unknown river driver remainsUnknown River Driver – Remains [Buy it on Amazon!]
First of all, dope album art. I’m a sucker for eerie old photographs. I couldn’t figure out why it seemed so familiar to me, and then I realized, ah yes, that is a portrait of my very soul. This is also available as a sick looking split with Rations Noise courtesy of our friends at 86’d Records, but I like this better as a stand alone EP. That’s how I’m ranking it anyway, but you should definitely buy the split on vinyl or cassette if you’re in the market for that kind of thing. What’s that? You don’t own a tape deck or a record player? What are you, from the feckin’ future or something? Just stream it then spaceperson.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

oort patrol humonsOort Patrol – Humons
I googled “oort” and all I can find is something about a space-cloud. I don’t know if this band is intentionally named after a space-cloud or not. I would assume so, based on the apparent infatuation with aliens and UFO’s. That’s a part of their own personal struggle though. It’s none of my business, and quite frankly, I don’t want it to be my business. This way now! To the album review! Follow me! It’s right over here! Through this hollow log! Hey, umm do you guys think I’m ok? Ok cool. Yay we’re here! This is a teeny little EP of sorts, but it packs a punch. If my math is correct it clocks in at exactly 531 seconds in the overall. That’s about nine minutes of shittily recorded emotive pop punk that makes you want to cry-dance the night away. Man this thing just has that sound. You can’t fake this stuff. If you have 531 seconds to spare right now, I’ll give you one guess how you should spend it.. Wait, what are you doing with that lotion? Oh! I should go.   Listen on Bandcamp

please believe in potentialPlease Believe – …In Potential
Hey look at that: The name of the band and the album title fit together to form a sentence. I love it when that happens. It’s a pretty reasonable request too, isn’t it? Just believe in potential. Gosh, it’s not that hard. They said please! The whole concept is so hopeful ya know? I should warn you though, the optimism ends there. Once you get past the album title you immediately start running into song titles like “Dead Arms Dangling At The Wheel” lol oofz! No, actually when you get into these songs it starts to feel uplifting again, in a nuclear revolution summer kind of way. Or maybe it’s a revolution winter in this case. To answer your question, no, I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.   Listen on Bandcamp

allauAllau – Self Titled
From what I gather this is some kind of side-project that didn’t pan out. Shame because this thing rips. It’s all in Spanish but they’ve been thoughtful enough to include English translations for every song in the lyrics tabs. That’s the first time I’ve seen anyone do that on bandcamp. If you’re trying to learn Spanish, like I am, it’s great to be able to read the English while you’re listening. It’s kind of like punk rock Duolingo. Scratch that. It is EXACTLY like punk rock Duolingo in every way imaginable. I just had a great idea for an app guys, but it doesn’t have anything to do with this post. Umm, just forget everything you read here ok. The album is spikey and spazzy and guaranteed to not solve any of your problems, unless your problem happens to be that your neighbors don’t hate you enough. If that’s the case, this can help.   Listen on Bandcamp ((correction: I just found out these lyrics are in Catalan not Spanish))

ENDNOTES: Well, I did it ya’ll, broke me fecking wrist I did. I was atop a rolling staircase that tipped over, my life flashed before my eyes (which was very depressing by the way), and I used my hand to break my fall. My dominant hand that is, which is why it took me 400 years to type this fecking thing. Please take pity on me and tell all your friends this is the best resource for new music in cyberspace. The best place to find new bands. I thank you kindly. Please bare with me and my gibbled arm. Don’t forget to check the Scrap Heap for tons more weird albums that came out this month by weird bands. Gonna go take a shower with a bag over my arm now. Bye.