Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [SEPTEMBER 2019]

cassels the perfect endingCassels – The Perfect Ending
Be warned, there is some HEAVY subject matter here. If you really want to take a minute to reflect deeply on some of the more fucked up aspects of society, in a very gut-punchy kind of way, well this is your band. Wash it down with a stiff drink cuz it can be hard to digest, but holy frick is it good. I wouldn’t want to have it every day, but when you’re in the mood for something potent and severe, this is gonna hit the spot. It’s like the thinking mans alt punk with all the angles, all the maths and all the attitude. It’s quite unlike anything you’ve heard before. The talent level out of these two lads is nothing short of astonishing. I’m trying to think of something funny to say and I can’t. This album got me in a really serious mood. I’m feeling dumb as fuck too cuz I’m pretty sure these kids are half my age and twice as intelligent.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

red room call caa nowRed Room – Call CAA Now
For those of you who aren’t Canadian, CAA is the Canadian version of AAA, which stands for Against All Authority. CAA stands for Commence All Authority. They were not the most popular punk band. The whole thing was a little unfortunate actually, but we all learned a valuable lesson. Why does a sick-ass band like Red Room want you to call CAA though? That’s the part I don’t understand. How do you even call a band that doesn’t exist anymore? Last I heard, the members of CAA were all in hiding. Anyway, I guess Red Room is no longer a band either. This is supposed to be their final release? That sucks cuz this is some grouchy-ass hardcore done to perfection.   Listen on Bandcamp

killcult self titledKillcult – Self Titled
I first read this as KillCUT which would have been a marginally more rad name, but Killcult gets the job done. Either way you’re going to get killed. This is murderous music. Homicidal if you will. It hearkens back to a deadlier time in punk. The violent sensibilities of early hardcore blended lovingly with the attitude of first wave snarl. You know what, I am really coming into my own as a writer, don’t you think? Anyway, look at this gnarly album art. It’s a goddamn spider on a skull. That’s a nasty looking spider too. A throwback to a time when skulls and spiders were edgy, and tattoos were cool. Oh you don’t think tattoos were cool in the 80’s? Well I have three words for you: Aaron Neville’s face.   Listen on Bandcamp

sneeze finSneeze – Fin
Let me tell you, there are some real ear-worms on this album. Especially track one. I’ve had the hook stuck in my head for weeks now: “DYYINNNG CHILLLLDRENN”. Needless to say, I’ve been getting some funny looks from my co-workers. I work at an orphanage by the way, so the orphans were getting a bit weirded out too, at first, but now I’ve got them all singing along Oliver-Twist-food-glorious-food style. It’s really quite something. Yo, this band is called Sneeze, lol. You’ve got to respect the name choice. I’m so curious about how they settled on that though. Were they sitting around like “What are we gonna call this band?” and then one guy sneezed and they were like “YES! THAT’S IT!” Look, the name is actually pretty good, but that’s beside the point: the music here is of the unsucky nature.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Humelly ДежевыйHumelly – Дежевый
Привет товарищи. Я пьян на русской водке и слушаю Humelly. Я больше не представляю страну Канады, премьер-министр которой – шут. Я больше не фанат Сидни Кросби. Теперь я команда Ovi. Этот блог будет переходить на весь русский диалог в ближайшем будущем. Извините, что сообщаю вам эту новость, но группы в России слишком сильны. Музыка такая холодная и такая серая. Это не может быть побеждено. Я осуждаю любую принадлежность к западному миру, я переезжаю в Якутск и создаю группу под названием «Путин Шмутин». Это будет популярная поп-группа. Вы можете думать, что вы хотите. Это больше не влияет на меня. Сейчас я должен идти. Зима приближается.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: Oh isn’t it nice, the weather is changing! Yeah, from really good to really shitty. Oh all of the leaves are turning beautiful colours! Yeah, because they’re dying and soon going to fall off and blanket the neighborhood in a soggy layer of decaying biomass. Yay now we can wear our fall outfits! Ok I’ll give you that. At least it’s leather jacket season. I heard a song recently called “Leather Jacket Season” but I can’t, for the life of me, remember who it was by. It’s probably in the SCRAP HEAP somewhere, so be sure to poke around in there a bit. Wear gloves though, and poke from a distance with a stick. Thank you for reading another Top 5, and I’ll thank you in advance for continuing to support underground music. Please tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource and the best place to find weird bands. Follow me on Twitter (@SteveDoesnt) so you can join in all the fun music conversations I have with my followers. Also, please don’t pretend you’re happy it’s fall. Can we all just be honest this year? Fall sucks! Bye.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JULY 2019]

sans lorenzo lombardSans Lorenzo – Lombard
(Midwest Emo) X (Northwest Indie Rock) ÷ (Post Punk) minus (Lorenzo) = A fecking dope-ass band. I can only imagine what they must sound like WITH Lorenzo! You know what this sounds like? Don’t answer that, it’s a rhetorical question. It sounds like raw potential. Not that they haven’t already achieved absolute awesomeness, but because if/when these guys put out another album, it’s going to completely blow my damn face off. There is a sad urgency to this that can only be fostered by the corn mazes of the midwest. Couple that with a totally new take on post-punk-emo and, I’m telling you, you’ve got something very special. I am totally stoked on this band right now and I don’t just throw around the word stoked indiscriminately you guys. Please Midwest Jesus! Send us more!   Listen on Bandcamp

feed the pet alitasFeed The Pet – Alitas     [Buy it on Amazon!]
STOKED! This reminds me of something and I can’t remember what it was but goddamn I must have loved it. How could I not remember something that would have been so rad? I listen to entirely too much music. That’s my problem, but I can’t stop. I’m in too deep. Speaking of deep, these songs are like the fucking Atlantic ocean in that regard. You know what, with writing like this I’m surprised the New York Times isn’t knocking at my door. It’s just a matter of time I figure. Or should I say times? Get it times? If this was a real life conversation I’d just be staring at you with a vacant look in my eyes right now. Anyway, obviously this band jumps. Get outa here and go listen to it ya little rascal. Actually wait. Don’t go yet. Read the rest of this first ya little rascal.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

someday best deep restSomeday Best – Deep Rest     [Buy it on Amazon!]
Remember that Braid song that said “slow as Rapid City”? That’s what always comes to mind when I think about Rapid City. What a great lyric too. This band doesn’t necessarily reflect the ironic slowness of their home town though. They’re slow at times but overall rather jumpy, and I imagine they’re literally pounding life into the kids of Rapid City, one frazzled indie punk jam at a time. Another thing I always think of when I hear about that city is how the Bouncing Souls had their alternator die somewhere between there and Mankato Minnesota, or so the story goes in that one song, whatever it’s called. Also, Rapid City is a cool-name for a city. It just sounds badass right? RIGHT? Thought so. There’s a song on here called Girls Of Summer. Don’t worry, it’s not what you think. Or is it? No, it’s not. Right? Wrong. Maybe. No.   Listen on Bandcamp

result of choice place of my dreamsResult Of Choice – Place Of My Dreams     [Buy it on Amazon!]
I hope you don’t need to sit down for a while cuz you’re about to get your butt slapped off dood. If you turn this up loud enough a circle pit will form no matter where you are, so use caution. For example, I would not start blasting this at your local lawn bowling club unless you wanna find out what it’s like to get an elbow to the chin from a senior citizen. When it comes to hardcore, I’m not really about that crossover metalic shit. I like the classic sound, so this is really hitting the spot for me. It’s not the hardest of core but it slaps all the same. Protect your posterior.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

Сияние ЖеланияСияние – Желания     [Buy it on Amazon!]
Surprise surprise, it’s another Russian band. How do you say ‘The Doesn’t Suck’ in Russian? I’m thinking of making a few changes around here. I need to be drinking more vodka too. You know, for research. I think this is the second band from Yakutsk I’ve featured on the blog which comes as no shock because I know there is a fierce underground punk scene happening there, and it is in fact considered the coldest major city on earth. It all makes perfect sense. Cold + angry kids = angrier kids = punk rock. It’s simple arithmetics. This is some foggy shoegaze punk too and I love that trend, especially when it’s executed in this way exactly.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: My apologies to all the bands featured in this months top 5. Usually my writing is absolutely immaculate, Shakespearean even, but I kind of half-assed it this month. I’ve got a lot on my mind ok. I’m getting married like next weekend and it’s freaking me the feck out. I’m having a lot of weird wedding dreams. I’m finding it hard to focus on much of anything, but I still feel inspired enough by these albums to throw this top 5 together, so I hope everyone finds something they like. Umm there is a cellist named Gordon Withers putting out an all cello all Jawbreaker covers album on August 6th, so work that into your life somehow. I’m hoping I can work it in to my wedding ceremony. Yo! Check out the SCRAP HEAP for a crap-load more great releases from this month. Keep listening to weird bands and supporting them however possible. Keep telling your friends this is your favourite new music resource, and most importantly: keep on fighting the good fight. Oh! & follow me on twitter to have lots of fun conversations with me an a bunch of other music nerds. @SteveDoesnt

Doesn’t English (#026) – Kiteflighter

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From deep within the pierogi-stuffed bowels of the Ukraine, here is a scrappy emo outfit called Kitefighter. Have you ever seen a kite fight? Not for the faint of heart, let me tell you. Holy hell, the strings, the wind.. It gets ugly. Wait, it’s Kiteflighter? Feck! In doing a bit of research I discovered that the word Ukraine itself actually means something like “borderlands”. Which is why it’s the Ukraine and not just Ukraine. Which begs the question: If “canada” means “village” why the feck are we not calling it The Canada? I know I will be from now on. It’s what M. Night Shyamalon would have wanted. May he rest in peace. If you are still reading this, you must have a very high tolerance for total nonsense, and since that’s the case I would like us to be friends forever saved-by-the-bell-style.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JUNE 2019]

chunder insightChunder – Insight
Man, I keep saying this, but Russia is killin’ it right now. It seems like every other Doesn’t English I do is a Russian band, and then you got these Russian bands writing songs in English too and STILL killin’ it! I was thinking about this recently: You would assume writing lyrics in a language that is not your native tongue would be harder, but I think it might actually give you an edge. I notice a lot of bands writing in English as a second language have really strong lyrics. It just seems stripped down and less contrived. That’s how it sounds to me anyway. Regardless of what language it’s in, Chunder is gonna slap your ass off with various arrangements of various strains of the punk and also the rock. Keep an eye on Russia you guys. That’s a big-ass country with a lot of pissed off people. The perfect conditions for our favourite kind of music.   Listen on Bandcamp

wrip big waveWrip – Big Wave  [Buy it on Amazon!]
I’m not gonna lie, when I saw the album cover I was expecting surf rock or ska punk. Needless to say I was pleasantly relieved when it was neither. I can see all the ska-heads just rage-skanking on the spot right now. Calm down Rudies! It’s not that ska punk sucks, it’s just that I made myself sick of it in the 90’s. You know, like when you eat too many chicken nuggets and then it’s like: wow chicken nuggets are gross. I guess what I’m trying to say is: ska punk and chicken nuggets have more in common than we originally thought, and to be fair, we originally thought they had quite a bit in common already. Now you surf rockers can calm your board shorts too alright. Nothing wrong with a little surf rock. I just prefer it in very small doses. It seems like this whole write up has just been damage-control for my opening statement. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what this album sounds like though. I said it wasn’t ska punk or surf rock. You know I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s safe to go listen to this.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

pencildive when i go outsidePencildive – When I Go Outside  [Buy it on Amazon!]
Soft.. AND THEN LOUD! and then soft.. AND THEN LOUD! But wait.. it gets soft again, AND THEN LOUD AGAIN! It sounds like I’m poking fun at this, and maybe I am a bit, but then again, I love it so much. Seriously, I can’t get enough. I love the name too: Pencildive, like when you jump into a pool feet first, OR, when you write sick-ass poetry and make it into dope af songs. I don’t know why, and I doubt it was intentional, but track two reminds me of The Voluptuous Horror Of Karen Black in it’s vocal delivery. FUN FACT: Adam Pfahler (of Jawbreaker)’s sister was the singer for The Voluptuous Horror. Yes it’s true, but her name was not Karen. I love strange and random musical facts like that, don’t you? I thought you might. See this is why we’re friends. Wanna play after school? What do you mean you have soccer practice? Fine, feck yew!   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

fm naaramFM – Naaram
Goddamn you guys for releasing such a dope record right at the end of June. You know I had my whole Top 5 written? Then you come along with this amazing release and force me to drop someone from the list. I had a pretty good write-up for that band too, let me tell you. It might have been the best thing I’ve ever written. I don’t like to brag, but some people compared it to Tolstoy, I’m just sayin’. No one will ever read it now, though, because the almighty FM has taken it’s place and now you get to read this utter tripe instead! I hope you’re happy FM! By the way, FM is a cool name for a band but it’s also a radio modulation, so that makes it impossible to google you. Luckily I was able to track your facebook page down through the LaFlor Records page, and confirmed that you are indeed from Peru. The best Peruvian band I’ve heard in a minute too. Larga vida la nueva ola!   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

the pedestrians self help shock therapyThe Pedestrians – Self Help Shock Therapy [Buy it on Amazon!]
This has some 90’s melodic hardcore vibe going on, with some antics thrown in. There’s some 80’s influence here too. Kind of a throwback band which is awesome, and refreshing. How can a re-hashed sound be refreshing though? Well you wash it off, you shine it up with some spit, refrigerate it for ninety minutes, put your own attitude behind it and there you go. It’s vile, it’s unapologetic, and it doesn’t take itself seriously at all. The punk rock spirit is strong in these lads. They’ve obviously done their homework. And by homework I mean drugs! Just kidding I mean homework as in listening to rad bands, but maybe drugs too.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: This month’s Top 5 is coming to you a bit early cuz I’m going to be busy with other things this weekend. I hope I don’t miss anything really good that comes out today or tomorrow, but anyway.. Back to my point about the chicken nuggets: Unlike nuggets, some things you can eat tons of and never get sick of, like Takis Purple for example. Jawbreaker is my Takis. Ska punk will never be Takis. I would like very much for Takis to sponsor my blog. Alright well, thank you for reading the best new music resource on the cyberwebs. Your interest is very much appreciated. Be sure to check the ol’ SCRAP HEAP for many more rad bands and sick albums that I came across this month, and previous months. As always, I would like to encourage people to write letters to me so I can post them on the blog. As long as they’re not totally stupid. This is a very serious blog ok. Yeah bye.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [MAY 2019]

hummin bird gutter glitterHummin’ Bird – Gutter Glitter
It’s hard to find a word suitable enough to express how awesome this is. Oh wait, ‘awesome’. That works. What else? Umm rad, dope, sick, dopesick?, choice, gnarly, etc etc, you get the gist, the essence, the point, and so on, and so forth, and suchlike, etc, etc, continued, yada yada, blah blah blah, shalom. I think we’re off to a good start here. Anyway, this is what I like to call the perfect blend of punk and indie rock. Indie punk if you will, which I long ago decided is my favourite genre. You may have noticed. Or maybe you’re not even paying attention to me. If that’s true then how are you reading this? I’ll give you a moment to collect your brain from the floor. Hi, welcome back. Go listen to this album.   Listen on Bandcamp

no collusion sticking setsNo Collusion – Sticking Sets
I’m telling you my streetpunk days are behind me, but goddamn, my appreciation for this little EP is undeniable. I come across A LOT of albums in the streetpunk genre and I have to say, I don’t usually get past the first song, but here is an obvious exception. Why you ask? Well first of all, I didn’t say I was open to questioning just yet, but whatever. It’s because this is rad as fuck. I mean just listen to it. It’s not your run of the mill streetpunk. There’s a lot more going on here, and I hope I’m not offending anyone by saying this, but it reminds me a little of some first-wave American shit, and with clever pissed off lyrics too. Yeah sure pissed off lyrics are easy to come by, but a lot of them tend to lack intelligence, don’t they? Now I sound pretentious, don’t I? How do you like all the questions? Huh? Sorry, I can’t stand dumb lyrics unless they’re intentionally dumb. Oh man, I’m gonna be bumpin’ this stuff all summer for real. These songs are catchy as all fuck.   Listen on Bandcamp

vacation zen quality seed crystalVacation – Zen Quality Seed Crystal [Buy it on Amazon!]
Turn up the awesome and turn down the fidelity. I mean pretty much just turn it off completely. It’s no-fi and it reminds me, at times, of Elvis Depressedly and at other times, Daniel Johnston in it’s plunky simplicity. Excuse me, may I borrow your trash can while I puke at how music-journalistic that just sounded? Plunky simplicity? Barf cough coughbarf spits. Woof! Sorry about that. I should note: this album marks the second addition to my recently started cassette collection. The first being the Karate Kids/Dad Thighs Split (which I highly recommend also). So far, this collection is goddamn flawless if I might say so myself, and lo-fi post-punk might be my favourite 2-hyphen genre. Wow I just used a hyphen with the word hyphen. I just keep out-doing myself. Holy shit another hyphen! Deaddd. You should really empty that trash can as soon as possible.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ice cream u dias rotosIce Cream Ü – Días Rotos [Buy it on Amazon!]
I really wanted to add this to my cassette collection too, but I just couldn’t justify spending twenty five Canadian dollars to pay for it and have it shipped to me from Mexico. I’m trying to be less stupid with my money. That twenty five bucks could buy me like 15 beers. Man, this is good though. Perfect soft-and-then-loud, shouty melodic emo, all in Spanish. This was a shoo-in for the Doesn’t English section, but I soon realized it has got to be in the top 5. How can it not be? It’s perfect. I don’t get what’s going on with the band name though.. Ice Cream Ü? In Spanish ‘U’ means ‘or’, but that doesn’t make sense either.. Unless it’s like ‘Ice Cream Or … ?’ You know, giving people the option right. Some of us are sensitive to lactose. Sensible a La Lactosa! Now that’s a band name.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

second narrows bandSecond Narrows – Self-titled
Second Narrows, if you’re not woke to Vancouver geography (shame on you if you’re not), is the second point on Burrard Inlet where it’s narrow. A good spot for a bridge, I suppose, which is why there’s a bridge crossing there to North Vancouver. Some people call it the Ironworkers Memorial Bridge. I call it the Second Narrows bridge because it just sounds a little bit less stupid. No offense to the ironworkers. What’s the deal with that anyway? Did a lot of ironworkers die when they were making that bridge? I’ll tell you one thing. If you go underneath that bridge (watch out for needles) you will see graffiti on the underside of it, like all the way out there, which means someone had the ballz enough to climb out there and tag it. I mean that’s some serious commitment to you brand right there. That always blew my mind. It’s been a long time since I’ve been down there but I’m assuming it’s still there because if someone put an equal amount of effort, and risk, into going out there to remove it, I would have to say that person is a vampire, and I don’t believe in vampires. In conclusion: this is a good album.   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: It’s way too nice of a day to be inside doing this. I have to go sweep my deck too. It’s got a winters worth of pine needles and pine cones on it. Speaking of flammable materials, I hope the entire west coast of North America doesn’t burn to a crisp this summer. The sky was already smokey here in Vancouver last week. Oh well, if we’re all going to burn or choke to death, lets do it while listening to some rad tunes. This month does not disappoint (see evidence above). Also, if you’re hungry for even more, go munch on my SCRAP HEAP. Wow that sounded sexual and I think I just came up with a new name for my junk yard. Damn, this spiraled out of control quickly. Please continue to support weird bands and tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource on the cyberspace. Thanks ya’llz! & As Woody Guthrie would say, Take it easy but take it.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [MARCH 2019]

off hope fisherpriceOff Hope – Fisherprice [Buy it on Amazon!]
I get a lot of bands asking me to review their albums on The Doesn’t Suck, and let’s face it, what I’m doing here isn’t reviewing albums. Usually bands ask me to review something that came out months (even years) ago, and it’s like yo, I’m doing a monthly top 5 here Buster! Also, if I’m being real, a lot of the bands that contact me aren’t up my alley, or even in the general neighborhood of my alley. Which is fine because honestly, I don’t need any more traffic in my alley. My alley is fecking congested dood! Anyways, like I said, these aren’t album reviews. This is a list of my top 5 releases each month as determined by me, and the write ups are, well, complete nonsense. You should know this by now. In conclusion: This band contacted me early in March and I was all “yeah sure, let me know when it comes out”. It finally dropped on March 30th and I’m thinkin’ all “Damn! That’s cutting it close!”. Funny thing though: it immediately bested anything else I heard all month.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

cosmopaark sunflowerCosmopaark – Sunflower [Buy it on Amazon!]
Let me put this to you in the most direct and straightforward way I know how: This here album? This be like when a band be layin’ out a beautiful platter of assorted fruits. A “fruit platter” if you will, and then they proceed to smash their own fruit platter into a delicious edible pulp.. with guitars! I mean I could go into more detail but I think that about sums it up doesn’t it? I don’t know how I could be any more clear. It’s a blender. A musical blender. Not a juicer! No no no. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a blender. A big one. This isn’t to say they’re blending all kinds of odd genres together though. No, most of this fruit is from the same general fruit family. It just get’s feckin’ crushed though doesn’t it? Listen to it, you’ll see what I mean. And if you don’t, you’re the one that’s crazy.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

john zealous emma watsonJohn Zealous – Emma Watson [Buy it on Amazon!]
This sounds like if Australia had a revolution summer. Maybe it’s just the Rites Of Spring ish vocal stylings. Somehow I doubt that was intentional. Does it really matter though? The vocals on this are trashed all the way out. I mean they stink, and me, I’m ready to breath it all in. Mmmm shitty vocals. That’s my weak spot. They have to be the right kind of shitty vocals though. Don’t waste my time with any old shitty vocals. Only the finest, most cultured shitty vocals for me. All of you aspiring shit vocalists out there should take notes. This is how you sing shittily. I sincerely hope this guy isn’t taking this as anything other than the highest praise. I love this album. Sharp as a knife lyrics too. Between the sharp lyrics and the shitty vocals, this is an infection waiting to happen. I know I’m infected.   Listen on Bandcamp

postrich bear buzzkillPostrich Bear – Buzzkill [Buy it on Amazon!]
You may remember this project from about a year ago. They appeared on my top 5 way back in January 2018, and no one knows this, but they were on my short-list for the year-end top 10, and were just barely nudged out. I think when I wrote about it last January I said it was my favourite album of the year so far. I mean that’s easy to say in January right, because about a zillion sick-ass bands proceeded to put out music in the months that followed. I loved that Postrich Bear album though, and I actually love this one even more. The amount of care and dedication going into the songs is still the same, but this release has a little more meat on the bones so to speak. Or if you’re not into meat we could say it has a little more corn on the cob. Hmm.. Yeah.. It wont get stuck in your teeth though. Just your head and maybe your heart. Will this make the top 10 this year? I don’t know! Why would you even ask me that!?   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

home is where our mouths to smileHome Is Where – Our Mouths To Smile
I’ve been saying it forever: there needs to be more harmonicas in emo bands. Only when I say it, I call it a tin sandwich. “More of that ol’ tin sandwich in emo!” is what I say. If you hung out with me, you’d hear me say that all the time. Sometimes I call it a tin sandwich, sometimes I call it a hobo harp, or a mouth organ. That one sounds weird though, cuz it’s like, isn’t the mouth already an organ? I mean technically it’s the beginning of your face hole right? Speaking of mouths though, the title of this album is taken from a line in one song that asks the question “why do we use our mouths to smile?”, and that’s a great question? Why do we? Also, why do we slap our hands together when something amuses us? These are the mysteries of humanity, but you know what? These tunes got me smiling from the face hole and slappin’ my hands all over the place. Yee haw! More Mississippi saxophone!   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: You may have noticed, my quality of writing has improved drastically since my last entry. It’s like night and day right? This is like real music journalism now. That’s because I got my cast off. You should see me typing right now. I’ve got like 4 fingers (sometimes 5!) going at the same time. I feel like I could type for miles right now! (did you catch that reference?). Cool points if you did. Anyway friends, I hope you’re enjoying the onset of spring if you’re in the northern hemisphere, and if you’re in the southern hemisphere, it’s your turn to suffer! If you’re near the equator, feck yew! Please, remember, there is a shit-pile more wicked-awesome releases that came out this month in the ol’ SCRAP HEAP. That’s right, this is the best new music resource for weirdos on the cyberspace. Keep hunting for new bands. Keep fighting the good fight. Until we meet again.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [FEBRUARY 2019]

baby katie scrapsBaby Katie – Scraps
Welp, I’ve got my first favourite song of 2019. I’m telling you, track two is the first (and best) of many strokes of genius on this album. It’s the perfect sad love song, and you know what I always say: If you’re going to write a love song, better make it sad. I hate to draw comparisons here, but I’m gonna go ahead and say someone named Daniel comes to mind, as well as someone named Simon, and I’m not talking about Simon Daniels. Yo! I just googled “Simon Daniels”, because I’m actually not even aware of anyone by that name, and THIS is what I found lol, Damn Daniels! Anyway if you’re done having your mind blown by that, we can get back to Baby Katie. Some people were just born to write songs ya know. It sounds effortless. This isn’t even an official album. It’s just scraps. Scraps! I was talking about Daniel Johnston and Simon Joyner by the way.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

cheap horse delusions never dieCheap Horse – Delusions Never Die
Hey, not everyone can afford an expensive horse right? So what do you do? You either get a cheap horse or you get a burro, and if you wanna be a major player in the cowboy scene you can’t roll up on a burro. You just can’t. Can you? Maybe you can. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have the straight goods when it comes to fuzzed up indie punk out of Santa Cruz. This band for example, that coincidentally is called Cheap Horse. Wow that really ties in well with what I was saying before. Sometimes these things just write themselves.   Listen on Bandcamp

the plastic beach promThe Plastic Beach – Prom [Buy it on Amazon!]
Ever been to a plastic beach? It’s fucking disgusting you guys. Clean up the goddamn oceans. On a completely unrelated note, here is a band out of Detroit that’s gonna take you to the sock hop and then punch you in the gut. I’m not saying they are a violent band, I’m just saying they probably have switchblades. This feels like a 90’s throwback band, and there’s nothing wrong with that (obviously), but there’s something fresh going on here too. It’s like a 90’s Lookout!parfait with some fresh blueberries on top. This is all making perfect sense in my mind. Except for the word parfait. That word doesn’t make any fecking sense. You know that movie Empire Records? Yeah, if there’s ever a remake I know who should be all over that soundtrack. In conclusion: clean up the oceans, seriously.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

a vida toda Um Quase epA Vida Toda Um Quase – Self Titled EP
I translated some of these lyrics into english and I found the line “rebuilding the mosaic of life with shards”.. I mean damn. Isn’t that what we’re all trying to do? Some of us moreso than others evidently. This feels like protest music with actual urgency. Let’s face it, first-world punk rarely has that edge. I mean it was cute when the Dead Kennedy’s talked about genocide in Cambodia, but I would much rather hear music from pissed off kids IN Cambodia than some chump in San Francisco, you know what I’m sayin’? and after hearing the 10,000th American band highlight injustice around the world from the comfort of their 5 star squat, you really start craving some angst from the source. That’s why it’s so exciting to find bands like this. Especially when it’s fast and energetic melodic hardcore. What more could you ask for? How ‘bout a sick name like A Vida Toda Um Quase (The Whole Life Almost)? That’s how you name a freakin’ band son! PLEASE do not sleep on non-english music.   Listen on Bandcamp

dr terror house of hitsDr. Terror – House Of Hits
We don’t judge bands by their names on this blog (that’s what my twitter account is for) so believe it or not, Dr. Terror’s House Of Hits is not an album of spooky sound effects (like a door creaking and a witch cackling) to play on a boom box by your front step on Halloween. No seriously, it’s not. I know I know, but it’s not. Get this.. It’s actually perfectly grungy shoegaze with screechy scratchies and lyrics that aren’t about monsters and goblins. Correction: there is actually one song about monsters. Ok, on second thought, this is a Halloween album. Definitely file this under Halloween Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: I know this is late again. I’m still typing with one hand. I’ve been off work for a month now with this broken wrist and I gotta say, I’m starting to go a bit crazy. I know what you’re thinking: This guy seems perfectly sane to me, but I’m telling you, I’m losing marbles over here. Oh well, at least I’ve got extra time to search for new music. I listened to a lot this month. Be sure to check out the SCRAP HEAP to see all the other weird and wonderful music I dug up, follow me on twitter for even more, and please tell all your friends this is your favourite new music resource. Even if it’s not, just lie to them. Come on.

Doesn’t English (#021) – La Nelson Olveira

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Straight outta Sauce (not to be confused with salsa) it’s La Nelson Olveira, which (if you’ll allow me to translate for you) is Spanish for The Nelson Olveira. That’s a Uruguayan soccer player and he’s not very well-liked I guess? Anyway, the important thing is, these guys are from a town called Sauce (just outside Montivideo) and I love sauce. Condiments in general are an obsession of mine. Some would say I have a condiment problem. Hot sauce is my sauce of choice but I’ll take anything I can get. In my opinion, a meal is not fully prepared until you dump something out of a bottle on to it. By the way this is a great little EP of punky tonk rock ’n’ roll with cool vocals. It’s catchy as all hell, and it’s for a good cause, or so they claim. Something about this being a fundraiser to get their friend out of New Zealand jail for killing a Koala. I don’t know if that’s meant to be taken seriously but who cares? There’s a Spanish cover of “Creep” on here with a lead in of someone takin’ a wazz. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [JANUARY 2019]

dad thighs karate kids splitKarate Kids/Dad Thighs – Split
I was thinking to myself a few weeks ago “I don’t collect enough useless things”, and so I decided to start a small cassette collection. I mean, I guess I’m re-starting the collection because in the early 90’s I had a pretty decent accumulation of Toad The Wet Sprocket and Smashing Pumpkins tapes. I definitely had some Rod Stewart in there too, and heaps of mixtapes I copied from my sister (who always had better taste in music). Sadly, the whereabouts of those tapes is currently filed under “lost forever”, hence my re-starting the collection. The first tape I’m adding to it is this nifty little split right here. Holy ass this thing lifts! Partly French, partly English, entirely radical, and again, not to boast, but they’re from where I’m from. That’s exciting because, let’s be honest, Vancouver is rapidly gentrifying itself into one big yoga/wine/coffee/kayaking studio and it makes me sick! *spits* Creative minds still thrive though, and here’s the evidence.   Listen on Bandcamp

unknown river driver remainsUnknown River Driver – Remains [Buy it on Amazon!]
First of all, dope album art. I’m a sucker for eerie old photographs. I couldn’t figure out why it seemed so familiar to me, and then I realized, ah yes, that is a portrait of my very soul. This is also available as a sick looking split with Rations Noise courtesy of our friends at 86’d Records, but I like this better as a stand alone EP. That’s how I’m ranking it anyway, but you should definitely buy the split on vinyl or cassette if you’re in the market for that kind of thing. What’s that? You don’t own a tape deck or a record player? What are you, from the feckin’ future or something? Just stream it then spaceperson.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

oort patrol humonsOort Patrol – Humons
I googled “oort” and all I can find is something about a space-cloud. I don’t know if this band is intentionally named after a space-cloud or not. I would assume so, based on the apparent infatuation with aliens and UFO’s. That’s a part of their own personal struggle though. It’s none of my business, and quite frankly, I don’t want it to be my business. This way now! To the album review! Follow me! It’s right over here! Through this hollow log! Hey, umm do you guys think I’m ok? Ok cool. Yay we’re here! This is a teeny little EP of sorts, but it packs a punch. If my math is correct it clocks in at exactly 531 seconds in the overall. That’s about nine minutes of shittily recorded emotive pop punk that makes you want to cry-dance the night away. Man this thing just has that sound. You can’t fake this stuff. If you have 531 seconds to spare right now, I’ll give you one guess how you should spend it.. Wait, what are you doing with that lotion? Oh! I should go.   Listen on Bandcamp

please believe in potentialPlease Believe – …In Potential
Hey look at that: The name of the band and the album title fit together to form a sentence. I love it when that happens. It’s a pretty reasonable request too, isn’t it? Just believe in potential. Gosh, it’s not that hard. They said please! The whole concept is so hopeful ya know? I should warn you though, the optimism ends there. Once you get past the album title you immediately start running into song titles like “Dead Arms Dangling At The Wheel” lol oofz! No, actually when you get into these songs it starts to feel uplifting again, in a nuclear revolution summer kind of way. Or maybe it’s a revolution winter in this case. To answer your question, no, I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.   Listen on Bandcamp

allauAllau – Self Titled
From what I gather this is some kind of side-project that didn’t pan out. Shame because this thing rips. It’s all in Spanish but they’ve been thoughtful enough to include English translations for every song in the lyrics tabs. That’s the first time I’ve seen anyone do that on bandcamp. If you’re trying to learn Spanish, like I am, it’s great to be able to read the English while you’re listening. It’s kind of like punk rock Duolingo. Scratch that. It is EXACTLY like punk rock Duolingo in every way imaginable. I just had a great idea for an app guys, but it doesn’t have anything to do with this post. Umm, just forget everything you read here ok. The album is spikey and spazzy and guaranteed to not solve any of your problems, unless your problem happens to be that your neighbors don’t hate you enough. If that’s the case, this can help.   Listen on Bandcamp ((correction: I just found out these lyrics are in Catalan not Spanish))

ENDNOTES: Well, I did it ya’ll, broke me fecking wrist I did. I was atop a rolling staircase that tipped over, my life flashed before my eyes (which was very depressing by the way), and I used my hand to break my fall. My dominant hand that is, which is why it took me 400 years to type this fecking thing. Please take pity on me and tell all your friends this is the best resource for new music in cyberspace. The best place to find new bands. I thank you kindly. Please bare with me and my gibbled arm. Don’t forget to check the Scrap Heap for tons more weird albums that came out this month by weird bands. Gonna go take a shower with a bag over my arm now. Bye.

Best Songs That Didn’t Suck in 2018

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I realized after typing these up that this years top 5 is pretty punk-centric compared to last years, which was a bit more mellow. I promise you however, that if you’re a fan of the blog, there is something in here for you. I’ve decided to include a whole pile of great tunes in addition to the top 5, so give them all a listen. You probably haven’t heard most of these songs. (I mean I hope you haven’t cuz I look way cooler that way). If you like a song, go check out the band responsible for it and show your support. Also!: Make sure you come back for the Top 10 ALBUMS of 2018 in a few days. Follow me on twitter or facebook or subscribe by email to get notified! Links are all over there, in that direction roughly, maybe up a bit —->

Idles – Danny Nedelko [Buy it on Amazon!]
Everyone decides their own song of the year, but for me it needs to be this. An anthem of unity and sameness in the face of partition. I could have said the same thing last year, or the year before, probably any year ever. The fact is, songs like this are always needed. It’s uplifting, it’s energizing, it’s empowering, it’s made of you, it’s made of me. It’s unity and we can dance to it.

Balsamic Cigarette – Country Song [Buy it on Amazon]
The source of inspiration for this one may align with that of Danny Nedelko, but in the spirit of hardcore punk, there is nothing subtle about this, and it is not meant to be uplifting at all. This is the what-we’re-all-thinking-but-not-necessarily-saying song. This is the musical equivalent of a rotten egg being hurled at the trump tower. This is punk rock satire meets dead-pan hardcore. If you’re wondering how that’s even possible, all you have to do is listen.

The Apartment Club – Bad/New
Settling into something a bit more fleshy and fine-spun, this is the bleeding heart of the year. Smooth and emotional with a righteous build up, this is the song you can really get lost in, and excuse me while I throw up because I’m starting to sound like a music journalist.

Briscoe – House Show
If you remember my top 10 albums from last year, you know I was (and for the record, still am) obsessed with this band. At the time I wasn’t sure if their album was from a currently active band, or if it was a relic from the past someone posted on bandcamp. This November I was delightfully surprised to see that they posted a couple new songs. The band still remains a bit of a mystery to me but at least I know they’re making new music, and this song re-enforces my infatuation with them. I can only hope there’s more to come in 2019.

The Apparents – Nothing Is Set In Stone
Alright back to the uplifting stuff. This is just vintage UK punk rock from Scotland. No bells, no whistles, just that classic sound with classic vocals and that classic working soul that can’t be faked. It is often faked though, and that’s why this particular genre is easy to overlook, but there are still guys like this doing it justice. If you work hard for a living without much to show for it, this is your on-your-way-to-work song. Turn it up in your car or in your headphones and gut it out for another day. Life can suck you guys, but don’t forget how lucky we are that it doesn’t suck a whole lot more.

And here are the runners up: