Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [MARCH 2019]

off hope fisherpriceOff Hope – Fisherprice [Buy it on Amazon!]
I get a lot of bands asking me to review their albums on The Doesn’t Suck, and let’s face it, what I’m doing here isn’t reviewing albums. Usually bands ask me to review something that came out months (even years) ago, and it’s like yo, I’m doing a monthly top 5 here Buster! Also, if I’m being real, a lot of the bands that contact me aren’t up my alley, or even in the general neighborhood of my alley. Which is fine because honestly, I don’t need any more traffic in my alley. My alley is fecking congested dood! Anyways, like I said, these aren’t album reviews. This is a list of my top 5 releases each month as determined by me, and the write ups are, well, complete nonsense. You should know this by now. In conclusion: This band contacted me early in March and I was all “yeah sure, let me know when it comes out”. It finally dropped on March 30th and I’m thinkin’ all “Damn! That’s cutting it close!”. Funny thing though: it immediately bested anything else I heard all month.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

cosmopaark sunflowerCosmopaark – Sunflower [Buy it on Amazon!]
Let me put this to you in the most direct and straightforward way I know how: This here album? This be like when a band be layin’ out a beautiful platter of assorted fruits. A “fruit platter” if you will, and then they proceed to smash their own fruit platter into a delicious edible pulp.. with guitars! I mean I could go into more detail but I think that about sums it up doesn’t it? I don’t know how I could be any more clear. It’s a blender. A musical blender. Not a juicer! No no no. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a blender. A big one. This isn’t to say they’re blending all kinds of odd genres together though. No, most of this fruit is from the same general fruit family. It just get’s feckin’ crushed though doesn’t it? Listen to it, you’ll see what I mean. And if you don’t, you’re the one that’s crazy.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

john zealous emma watsonJohn Zealous – Emma Watson [Buy it on Amazon!]
This sounds like if Australia had a revolution summer. Maybe it’s just the Rites Of Spring ish vocal stylings. Somehow I doubt that was intentional. Does it really matter though? The vocals on this are trashed all the way out. I mean they stink, and me, I’m ready to breath it all in. Mmmm shitty vocals. That’s my weak spot. They have to be the right kind of shitty vocals though. Don’t waste my time with any old shitty vocals. Only the finest, most cultured shitty vocals for me. All of you aspiring shit vocalists out there should take notes. This is how you sing shittily. I sincerely hope this guy isn’t taking this as anything other than the highest praise. I love this album. Sharp as a knife lyrics too. Between the sharp lyrics and the shitty vocals, this is an infection waiting to happen. I know I’m infected.   Listen on Bandcamp

postrich bear buzzkillPostrich Bear – Buzzkill [Buy it on Amazon!]
You may remember this project from about a year ago. They appeared on my top 5 way back in January 2018, and no one knows this, but they were on my short-list for the year-end top 10, and were just barely nudged out. I think when I wrote about it last January I said it was my favourite album of the year so far. I mean that’s easy to say in January right, because about a zillion sick-ass bands proceeded to put out music in the months that followed. I loved that Postrich Bear album though, and I actually love this one even more. The amount of care and dedication going into the songs is still the same, but this release has a little more meat on the bones so to speak. Or if you’re not into meat we could say it has a little more corn on the cob. Hmm.. Yeah.. It wont get stuck in your teeth though. Just your head and maybe your heart. Will this make the top 10 this year? I don’t know! Why would you even ask me that!?   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

home is where our mouths to smileHome Is Where – Our Mouths To Smile
I’ve been saying it forever: there needs to be more harmonicas in emo bands. Only when I say it, I call it a tin sandwich. “More of that ol’ tin sandwich in emo!” is what I say. If you hung out with me, you’d hear me say that all the time. Sometimes I call it a tin sandwich, sometimes I call it a hobo harp, or a mouth organ. That one sounds weird though, cuz it’s like, isn’t the mouth already an organ? I mean technically it’s the beginning of your face hole right? Speaking of mouths though, the title of this album is taken from a line in one song that asks the question “why do we use our mouths to smile?”, and that’s a great question? Why do we? Also, why do we slap our hands together when something amuses us? These are the mysteries of humanity, but you know what? These tunes got me smiling from the face hole and slappin’ my hands all over the place. Yee haw! More Mississippi saxophone!   Listen on Bandcamp

ENDNOTES: You may have noticed, my quality of writing has improved drastically since my last entry. It’s like night and day right? This is like real music journalism now. That’s because I got my cast off. You should see me typing right now. I’ve got like 4 fingers (sometimes 5!) going at the same time. I feel like I could type for miles right now! (did you catch that reference?). Cool points if you did. Anyway friends, I hope you’re enjoying the onset of spring if you’re in the northern hemisphere, and if you’re in the southern hemisphere, it’s your turn to suffer! If you’re near the equator, feck yew! Please, remember, there is a shit-pile more wicked-awesome releases that came out this month in the ol’ SCRAP HEAP. That’s right, this is the best new music resource for weirdos on the cyberspace. Keep hunting for new bands. Keep fighting the good fight. Until we meet again.

Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DONT Suck [JANUARY 2018]

postrich bear every love story is a ghost story salem oregon basement lofi folk rare music 2018Postrich Bear – Every Love Story Is A Ghost Story
[Buy it on Amazon!]
I never get tired of sad songs. This is my favourite album of 2018 so far. I don’t even know if you can call it an album though. It’s more than that. This deserves so much praise, I’m not sure I can do it justice. What stands out the most is how much care went into this thing. It’s so rich with realness. It’s the most organic thing when the right people come together at the right time in their lives and they get lost on this musical voyage together. It’s beautiful. There’s a song on here where the guy says “I wish I could cry”. Jeezis Christ I wish I could STOP crying over here from this goddamn album. I’m an emotional wreck guys. Ok fine, I’m not crying. I’m at work right now. That would be unprofessional, but if I listen to this in my car alone, or at home with my headphones on, look out! Funny how I talk about being professional and then I write music reviews like this.   Listen on Bandcamp

kat suicide friends el paso indie punk 2018Kat Suicide – Friends [Buy it on Amazon!]
Full disclosure, there is no Suicide Girl named Kat Suicide and she is not in this band. I know, it’s disappointing, but don’t worry, it’s still a spectacular band, and who’s to say they don’t look good naked? This is probably starting to sound pretty weird. Especially if you’re not familiar with Suicide Girls. Hey, what do you want from me? Gees. Here’s the thing about Kat Suicide (the band). They’re kind of doing that thing where you make music that’s original. They’re an innovative band. This feels good, it’s a bit familiar like a baby blanket, but let’s say this baby blanket is made of living guinea pigs. You see what I’m saying? There’s something different and a bit wiggly going on here. Someone should take this blog away from me.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

the afterburners receiving transmission virginia indie punk 2018The Afterburners – Receiving Transmission
You’re probably aware by now that this blog is where you’ll find the best bad music on the internet. This album is, in all fairness, pretty fucking bad, but it’s also really really good. If that doesn’t make sense to you then you’re in the wrong place pal. Hit the bricks. It seems like the band is secondary to the overall message here. The overall message being that everything is an alien conspiracy. Yes that seems to be the theme they’ve settled on. The music is simply a carrier for the message and there’s nothing more punk rock than that. I could listen to this for hours on end, I swear to you.   Listen on Bandcamp

closer all this will be new york post hardcore 2018 NYCloser – All This Will Be [Buy it on Amazon!]
Wow is this going to be a good year for Hardcore? I don’t know but this is a good sign. For all intents and purposes, last year should have been a good year for Hardcore. Maybe they were just getting warmed up. Anyway this record gouges. Dark, heavy, mean, moody. It’s a swamp creature reciting poetry. Get out of it’s way or be dragged into the murk. Or maybe that’s what you want. No, on second thought just run! RUNN! NOOO! Murder! blood! gore! stab stab stab! eww yuck. Not your run of the mill hardcore.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

cigybrats broken hearted summer punx indonesia pop punk 2018Cigybrats – Broken Hearted Summer Punx [Buy it on Amazon!]
Easily the catchiest punk band in Indonesia. More specifically, from Central Java, where apparently there are no girls, just dudes. I’m basing this off their Instagram page. Nothing but dudes. Lots of dudes and not a single girl. Not sure what’s going on with that. I digress. The first song is not English and the rest are. Does that mean you’ll be able to understand the lyrics? Absolutely not. It doesn’t matter, you’re still going to sing along. I wasn’t kidding about the catchiness. These songs are fun.. You’ve been warned. If you’re in Indonesia and you’re reading this, and you’re a girl, please start a punk band.   Listen on Bandcamp