Top 5 Albums/EP’s That DON’T Suck [AUGUST 2019]

brat curseBrat Curse – Self-titled  [Buy it on Amazon!]
Track One: Sweat Pants Lawyer. Boom! I’m sold. How can this not be awesome? Then you hit play and whabamoh! You’re getting rocked and also rolled like never before. Ok well that’s not true. I shouldn’t have said never before. I mean it’s good but it’s not like never before. Or maybe it is. Feck I don’t know. Maybe you’re a very young child and this is your first time getting rocked and rolled. Look, it’s none of my business anyway.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ceilings time slipsCeilings – Time Slips  [Buy it on Amazon!]
This just in: Winnipeg sucks. Just kidding, I’ve never been. I hear it sucks though, which is probably why a lot of great bands come from there. Well, at least one great band has come from there. Two now. And one Burton Cummings, who, lets face it, has the most beautiful voice this side of heaven. I’m not even being sarcastic this time. The man has the voice of a saint and the mustache of a god. You know what, fuck this band, I’m gonna go listen to some Burton.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ultrasurf ideas vaciasUltrasurf – Ideas Vacías
Holy hell, watch your step, the rhythm is relentless over here. You can’t stand still to this unless you’re dead, and if you’re dead, what business do you have standing on your feet anyway? Lay the fuck down you creepy corpse, so we can roll you into a corner and deal with you later. Man, this is some energetic surfy post punk en espanol. It reminds me a bit of a Swedish band called Terrible Feelings only more agitated. Is Spain more agitated than Sweden? It probably is. I mean I would assume so. What the hell does Sweden have to be agitated about? Peace and serenity? Feck off. Hey, what the hell am I even talking about guys?   Listen on Bandcamp

the sunlight machine careers dayThe Sunlight Machine – Careers Day  [Buy it on Amazon!]
Somehow this young lad is channeling the vocal chops of Frankie Stubbs and absolutely doing it justice. You hear the resemblance right? I think he might be possessed by Frankie’s ghost, which is strange because Frankie’s still alive. Ok I’ve got it: This is Frankie Stubbs’s son. Haha this guy’s gonna read this like “who the feck is Frankie Stubbs?”. You should be ashamed of yourself for not knowing who Frankie Stubbs is. At the moment this post is not yet the top google search result for “Frankie Stubbs” but now it is.   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

lindenwood die with meLindenwood – Die With Me  [Buy it on Amazon!]
No time to get your ass rocked off? I know how it is. Life is demanding and we’re all just doing our best to meet those never ending deadlines. The good news is, you can now get your ass rocked off in four easy songs. That’s right, if you have fifteen minutes, you have time for a whooping thanks to Lindenwood, the Filipino band named after a tree that does not grow in the Philippines. I’m 100% assuming that by the way. I’m not a goddamn arborist, but I’m pretty sure that is a tree and it doesn’t grow in the Philippines. If you know that to be false, please keep it to yourself. Why can’t you just let me have this?   Listen on Bandcamp or Spotify

ENDNOTES: If this months write-ups are making even less sense than usual (is that even possibe?) it’s because I’m sick and maybe a bit high on Buckleys. I’m not feeling this at all right now so let’s just skip to the part where I tell you to check out the SCRAP HEAP for a whole lot more new releases from this month, and keep fighting the good fight, keep listening to weird music, and supporting weird bands and tell your friends this is your favourite new music resource and so on and what have you. Bye.

Doesn’t English (#021) – La Nelson Olveira

_______________________________________________________________

Straight outta Sauce (not to be confused with salsa) it’s La Nelson Olveira, which (if you’ll allow me to translate for you) is Spanish for The Nelson Olveira. That’s a Uruguayan soccer player and he’s not very well-liked I guess? Anyway, the important thing is, these guys are from a town called Sauce (just outside Montivideo) and I love sauce. Condiments in general are an obsession of mine. Some would say I have a condiment problem. Hot sauce is my sauce of choice but I’ll take anything I can get. In my opinion, a meal is not fully prepared until you dump something out of a bottle on to it. By the way this is a great little EP of punky tonk rock ’n’ roll with cool vocals. It’s catchy as all hell, and it’s for a good cause, or so they claim. Something about this being a fundraiser to get their friend out of New Zealand jail for killing a Koala. I don’t know if that’s meant to be taken seriously but who cares? There’s a Spanish cover of “Creep” on here with a lead in of someone takin’ a wazz. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.

Doesn’t English (#018) – Hostil

_______________________________________________________________

Shout out to Ysabel, the quiet Peruvian lady I work with and whom I torment with aggressive punk rock on a daily basis. Oddly enough, even after I mentioned to her that this band is from her homeland, she still didn’t find it very appealing. Did you guys know there are Japanese people in Peru? Ysabel is Japanese and Peruvian and she speaks both languages. She’s been teaching me Spanish, but you don’t need to know any Spanish at all to enjoy this here album. You don’t need to understand lyrics in order to appreciate the delivery. Sometimes it’s probably better if you don’t understand them. *Ever hear a really incredible English-speaking band and slowly realize the lyrics are contrived as all hell and you can’t bare to listen to it even though it rocks? Well you won’t have that problem if you can’t understand the lyrics will you? I know there’s just way too much music out there to keep up with nowadays, but you HAVE TO make your ears available to non-English bands. There are just too many good ones to pass up. Hostil, for example. I wish Ysabel would take me to Lima and go to one of their shows with me. She’s the perfect size for crowd surfing.

*If you’ve never had this problem, you suck at listening to music. 

.